Oscars Preview Day 1: The Art Awards

Best Original Screenplay:

• American Hustle - Eric Warren Singer & David O. Russell
• Blue Jasmine - Woody Allen
• Dallas Buyers Club - Craig Borten & Melisa Wallack
• Her - Spike Jonze
• Nebraska - Bob Nelson

WILL WIN: Spike Jonze - Her

SHOULD WIN: Woody Allen - Blue Jasmine

BIGGEST SNUB: Inside Llewyn Davis

WORST NOMINATION NOMINEE: Craig Borten & Melisa Wallack

Let me say this: Spike Jonze should win. But for entertainment's sake, Woody Allen should win. Most uncomfortable moment in live television award show history, right? Let's go for broke and make Mia Farrow the presenter. Ellen has to have 10 minutes of priceless material on this that she's not allowed to use unless Woody wins. 

Best Adapted Screenplay:

• Before Midnight - Richard Linklater, Julie Delpy, Ethan Hawke
• Captain Phillips - Billy Ray
• Philomena - Steve Coogan and Jeff Pope
• 12 Years a Slave - John Ridley
• The Wolf of Wall Street - Terence Winter

WILL WIN: John Ridley - 12 Years a Slave

SHOULD WIN: John Ridley - 12 Years a Slave

BIGGEST SNUB/WORST NOMINATION: N/A

That audible digital groan when this award is announced will be the collective film reviewers of America lamenting that Linklater's unwatched trilogy went unawarded. But adapting an obscure freeman/slave's diary into a movie with the film pacing and period-appropriate dialogue was far more difficult and deserving of reward.

Best Cinematography:

• The Grandmaster
• Gravity
• Inside Llewyn Davis
• Nebraska
• Prisoners

WILL WIN: Gravity

SHOULD WIN: Gravity

BIGGEST SNUB: 12 Years a Slave

WORST NOMINATION: The Grandmaster

Filming in space has to count for something.

Best Visual Effects

• Gravity
• The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
• Iron Man 3
• The Lone Ranger
• Star Trek: Into Darkness

WILL WIN: Gravity

SHOULD WIN: Gravity

Honestly, they filmed in space, right?

Best Original Score:

• The Book Thief - John Williams - aimless fascist piano music
• Gravity - Steven Price - In space, they can't hear you scream, but there is the relentless din of anxiety
• Her - William Butler & Owen Pallett - Arcade Fire rocks
• Philomena - Alexandre Desplat - Padding Harvey Weinstein's nomination stats
• Saving Mr. Banks - Thomas Newman - lots of piano in major keys

WILL WIN: Gravity

SHOULD WIN: Her

Best Original Song

• Happy by Pharrell Williams in Despicable Me 2 - Wildly overplayed pop that grows off you
• Let It Go by Disney in Frozen - Solid feminist power ballad all wrapped in Disney
• The Moon Song by Karen O in Her - Indie folk goodness
• Ordinary Love by U2 in Mandela - Do they know it's Oscar time at all?
• DISQUALIFIED: Alone Yet Not Alone 

WILL WIN: Let It Go from Frozen

SHOULD WIN: Lana Del Rey Young and Beautiful in The Great Gatsby (or The Moon Song from the actual nominees)

BIGGEST SNUBS: Almost every song on the Great Gatsby soundtrack, Shine on You Crazy Diamond cover from Dead Man Down, almost every song from the Inside Llewyn Davis soundtrack, Atlas by Cold Play in Hunger Games 2, I See Fire by Ed Sheeran in Hobbit 2

WORST NOMINATION NOMINEE: Alone Yet Not Alone

When I stoop to defending Cold Play, you know something has gone horribly wrong. You can forgive the Academy for wanting the performer to show up after the incident in which Eminem apparently sent a homeless Pistons fan still edgy from the Malice at the Palace in his place. Ms. Streisand is still recovering from the effrontery to her oxy-induced "Songs are amazing things," introduction. And check out Cameron Diaz's hairtwisting, despair: "I can't believe this guy is going to die with an Oscar and I won't."

Anyways, this list is a debacle - a few b-grade nominations, and the nod so egregious it got turned into a "no" headshake. Clearly a lot of my own picks really aren't original, but at least have the advantage of be being good covers of very good music. 

Word is that someone ran a whisper campaign claiming Lana Del Ray's song wasn't eligible, which raises the question: who could care enough to do such a thing? The usual suspects have to be the nominees. The dq-ed song from the thing that was barely a movie was clearly the fallguy in this Machiavellian scheme. Karen O was probably high and Pharrel Williams is reportedly still happy. That leaves the most obviously evil nominees: Disney and U2. My lead suspect is Bono. Disney has so many original song Oscars it probably sold a few at the gift shop on accident. Meanwhile, what prize is missing from Bono's trophy case? An Oscar. And don't think his ego doesn't need it; after all, the man WROTE THE FOREWARD TO HIS OWN BIOGRAPHY! Go back to that Eminem win above - that was a U2 loss! He wants it so bad! Don't let Bono get away with it, Academy voters! Anyhow, when the Disneyborg reports to the front of the theater to assimilate its latest award, I hope they cut to an anguished Bono. Better yet, cut to some guy wearing a suitjacket over a basketball jersey laughing at anguished Bono.

Musically, the two most important movies of the year were Gatsby and Inside Llewyn Davis. Neither got a nomination.