Final Dubious Achievement Awards Part 5 of 5

Star Wars Award for Colossal Disappointment:

• After Earth
• Elysium
• Ender's Game
• The Lone Ranger
• World War Z

WINNER: The Lone Ranger. As I've already noted, trying to update an icon with revisionist history is a really bad idea because it has no audience. With this the latest in a long series of non-Marvel Disney busts aimed at small boys, the question becomes one of whether Disney has any clue what boys under age 12 want to watch. As the success of Frozen and its strong female lead demonstrates, its clear that Disney has the under-12 girls audience lined up with the critics. But for boys, they're clueless. Clearly the politicized history and anti-corporate canon was never going to capture their imagination. I'm moved to offer advice on alternative possibilities, but it's Disney - instead of figuring out how to do it themselves, they bought Marvel and they bought Star Wars. If Disney's busy homogenizing Pixar into moneymakng irrelevance, it's clear they've at least left Marvel alone. And there's nothing they can do to Star Wars that George Lucas hasn't already done to it. Still...where have you gone Mickey Mouse? A Mickey Mouse Congress passed a law to help Disney extend its copyright through 2019. The least Disney could do was try in return.

Most Ridiculous Moment:

The Wolverine's conclusion

Marvel promised that they would do right by Wolverine, delivering a gritty, Nolan-esque drama. for most of the movie, they're almost as good as their word. It's moving, it's got ideas...well, at least as far as comic book movies go. Then a Godzilla villain crashlands onscreen for 10 minutes of boss battle that would make a videogame designer blush. All your life are belong to us.

The North Korean Regime Made Me Do It:

The Call

What is Halle Berry doing here? This is an "I am not a movie star" role. Was she kidnapped by Dennis Rodman and forced to perform in this 911 operator Rear View knock-off was his obscure and sinister purposes? 

The Movie I'm Embarrassed to Say I Enjoyed:

Movie 43

Bad Grandpa is the approved low-brow comedy of the year. Movie 43 got a Razzie nomination. Well, I think Hugh Jackman having a pair of balls under his chin is funny.