MERYL STREEP
AWARD FOR BEST ACTRESS
Jessica
Chastain - Zero Dark Thirty – a toned down version of what should have been
the ultimate sultaness of twat who helped kill Bin Laden. The script swung for
the fences but, for me, Chastain stops at second.
Jennifer
Lawrence - Silver Linings Playbook – Bradley Cooper doesn’t see it for two
hours, but for Hollywood, it was love at first sight.
Emmanuelle
Riva – Amour – A miserable dying French woman so awful that the audience
cheers when her husband smothers her, because at least something happened.
Quvenzhané
Wallis - Beasts of the Southern Wild – Does a good job of fitting into the
movie’s best character…the setting
Naomi
Watts - The Impossible – Rounds out a list desperately in need of someone
kind of famous
WILL WIN:
Jennifer Lawrence – Another year, another weak crop of Best Actress nominations
strongly suggesting that Hollywood has some issues writing strong female leads.
Lawrence and Watts are nominated because a few stars have to be included. I
guess the smart money is on Lawrence over Chastain, but my gut tells me that
the voters will lean toward the obscure. I would have guessed Riva, but since they went to online voting this year, I suspect her core constituency won't come through.
SHOULD WIN:
Noomi Rapace, Prometheus
SNUB: Noomi
Rapace, Prometheus – Didn’t see that coming did you! Look, this is a weak year
for this category. Prometheus is not a stellar film, but Rapace is utterly
convincing at everything from bright-eyed sci-fi archaeologist to self-alien-abortion. This
is the Snow White we were missing in Snow Whites A & B.
DDL (DANIEL
DAY LEWIS) AWARD FOR BEST ACTOR
Bradley
Cooper - Silver Linings Playbook – A solid neurotic nominated for
reasons of cementing his star status
Daniel
Day-Lewis - Lincoln – This award is named after him
for an ever-longer list of reasons, including transforming into Abraham Fucking
Lincoln.
Hugh
Jackman - Les Misérables - It’s a
character in a musical, but he works really hard to make it something better
Joaquin
Phoenix - The Master – a claustrophobically unlikable character played to
perfection
Denzel
Washington – Flight – Doing the character he does best in a dying
mainstream drama genre
WILL WIN:
Daniel Day-Lewis. We have to keep feeding him awards or he’ll go back to
cobbling. Or maybe they should give it to my deserving doppleganger, Phoenix, so that he doesn't go homeless rapper on us again. It was just so awkward answering his fan's questions about what the hell happened on Letterman.
SHOULD
WIN: Denzel Washington. This was Courage Under Fire Denzel. I love Courage
Under Fire Denzel. Denzel ended up getting his trophy for the forgettable
Training Day and flopping in could-have-been roles like American Gangster, but
this is what he does best – a deeply flawed and very human character who is
both instantly likable and in turns equally detestable.
BIGGEST SNUB:
Jared Gilman, Moonrise Kingdom. This was a very adult, intellectual movie about
a pre-teen. This pre-teen is asked to carry almost every scene in this adult,
intellectual world, and he accomplishes that. I know he’s not the draw that
Bradley Cooper is - I had to look up his name - but Jared Gilman deserved to be
acknowledged, certainly more so than the girl from Beasts.
THE PSH
(PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN) AWARD FOR BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Alan
Arkin – Argo – The guy that Hollywood loves plays that Hollywood guy who
saves the hostages
Robert De
Niro - Silver Linings Playbook* - Present.
Philip
Seymour Hoffman - The Master – Not his best work, but the award is named
after him
Tommy Lee
Jones – Lincoln – Hamming it up as a radical abolitionist
Christoph
Waltz - Django Unchained – Still good, but not Inglorious Basterds good.
WILL WIN:
Alan Arkin. I don’t know why they love him, but they do.
SHOULD
WIN: Javier Bardem – Skyfall. Of this
group, I would pick Jones.
BIGGEST SNUBS:
Javier Bardem – Skyfall, Samuel L. Jackson – Django Unchained, Eddie Redmayne –
Les Miserables
Traditionally
this is a crowded category and this year is no exception. Bardem was the best
thing in anything this year. Jackson’s Uncle Tommiest was more deserving thanWaltz, who seemed a little out of place in a Western and included in part to redeem Germany
after what happened in Inglorious Basterds (i.e. the Holocaust aka Irredeemable). As for Redmayne, he takes on the
biggest ninny in the illustrious, maudlin history of musical ninnies…and makes
him palatable.
HELENA
BONHAM CARTER AWARD FOR BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Amy Adams
- The Master* - She was so outclassed by Phoenix and PSH that this
nomination has to be uncomfortable for her
Sally
Field – Lincoln – Just as crazy and irascible as Mrs. Lincoln should be
Anne
Hathaway - Les Misérables – Underlines that the best thing in this musical
dies way too early
Helen
Hunt - The Sessions – I was not aware that this was a film.
Jacki
Weaver* - Silver Linings Playbook – I’m beginning to think Harvey Weinstein rigged the online voting.
WILL WIN:
Anne Hathaway. After that vagina incident, everyone’s got to be at least a
little bit curious.
SHOULD WIN:
Anne Hathaway. It’s a lot closer between her and Field than Vegas is likely to
give you odds for, but still she deserves it.
BIGGEST
SNUB: Dame Judy Dench – Skyfall. Alright, Silver Linings Playbook, I will see
you one Jacki Weaver and raise you Dame Judy Dench. All in.
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