Best Actor and Actress

Cate Blanchett Award for Best Actress

• Cate Blanchett, Carol – It is better to be thought the new Meryl Streep and remain making similar movies than to make Ricki and the Flash and remove all doubt.
• Brie Larson, Room – She benefits greatly from working opposite a child actor’s performance so grating, the audience starts to hope something horrible happens so he will just get off the screen.  
• Jennifer Lawrence, Joy – Supposed to be a sequel to American Hustle, this movie got swept under the rug before it could be seen…by me or by anyone. Presumably the ballots were turned in before everyone realized they had a disaster on their hands because it is not possible to dislike Jennifer Lawrence. We’ve been officially informed that she’s the real person in Hollywood.
• Charlotte Rampling, 45 Years – Annual grand ol’ dame nominee
• Saoirse (Pronounced Sersha) Ronan, Brooklyn – It's not fair if you already have the proper accent.

WILL WIN: Brie Larson. Larson only carries the first half of the film. Her breakdown in the second half remains unsupported.

SHOULD WIN: Of these 5? Cate Blanchett. She might as well make 5 movies a year and spare us the boredom of nominating anyone else.

BIGGEST SNUB: Charlize Theron – Mad Max. Furiosa was the iconic performance of the year. Theron is a huge star in her prime. Should have won…not even nominated. 

Daniel Day Lewis Award for Best Actor

• Bryan Cranston, Trumbo – Tropic Thunder instructed us “Never go full retard.” Trumbo reminds us, “Always go full communist.” So many flame out at pinko rancor with a bit too much humanity. See, for example, Will Smith's Concussion or Idris Elba in Beasts of No Nation. To borrow from Stalin, when one communist man is snubbed, it's a tragedy. When a whole race is, it's statistics. Or maybe they just weren't that good. 
• Matt Damon, The Martian – Or just go full Matt Damon...in space!
• Leonardo DiCaprio, The Revenant – Spends most of the movie crawling, groaning, and desperately searching for chapstick. Bill Paxton should have won for Twister by that rubric.
• Michael Fassbender, Steve Jobs – He never really tries to do a Steve Jobs impression. Neither does he create something else that would be more interesting. 
• Eddie Redmayne, The Danish Girl – Jennifer Lawrence: America::Eddie Redmayne:England. If not for this movie, we might have seen him nominated for Jupiter Ascending. At some point in their careers, Redmayne and Lawrence will make a movie together, and the resulting Third Era of Good Feelings will reunite the colonies with the Union Jack. 

WILL WIN: Leonardo DiCaprio. After years of bizarre snubs, he graduated to “should-have-won” last year with  a career-best performance in Wolf of Wall Street. Instead, he gets his trophy for a dialogue-free performance that seems earned mostly as in that he endured extreme privation. So do the actors on Survivor. Ooops, sorry, I mean reality stars. The point being, DiCaprio may have turned in this performance largely against his will. Is that acting? 

SHOULD WIN: I guess we should just give Leo the damn trophy.

BIGGEST SNUB:  Ben Mendelsohn, Mississippi Grind. Whodat character actor turned strong lead…in a forgettable movie headlined by, gulp, Ryan Reynolds. In a weak year, this was the best performance. Or maybe he was just standing next to Ryan Reynolds.
WORST NOMINATION: Michael Fassbender. This wasn't a nominee, it was a missed opportunity.