Best Picture:
- Avatar - Blue Pocahontas Dances With Trees in Jaw-Dropping 3-D
- The Blind Side – Hollywood expanded to 10 nominees so that everyone’s heart-warming, not-so-limousine-liberal movie would get nominated…just so it hurts more, Middle America, when it loses! HAHA! You boosted our ratings, citizens of Des Moines, just so we could party while we crushed your humble dreams. Muahahahahah.
- District 9 – Nice enough race drama sci-fi thing. I always like it when they leave a cliff-hanger when they’re not really planning a sequel. (Note to Peter Jackson - don't make a sequel.)
- An Education – I’m curious if this makes the cut in the old format. Then we’d have a serious problem. If you had to pick an indie-rom-com, why not something more accessible and entertaining like 500 Days of Summer?
- The Hurt Locker – Finally a decent Iraq-war movie
- Inglorious Basterds – Jew-porn. OK, everybody porn. Tarantino’s best.
- Precious – The soulful™ Oprah, in movie semi-documentary format. Tyra Banks’ Semi-Precious to hit theaters Fall 2014.
- A Serious Man – Intellectual Jewish-guilt porn plus my favorite Jefferson Airplane Song (Today)
- Up – Pixar made a movie…actually, it made its best movie.
- Up in the Air – George Clooney made a movie, and it was timely and addresses the situation. Not THE Situation. But that other situation, the one with the 10-20% unemployment.
WILL WIN: Up in the Air. Clooney’s been circling it but I think this is his year
SHOULD WIN: A Serious Man. This one’s really tough for me. It’s not my favorite movie of the year, but it is the most intellectually stimulating, and it’s close to my favorite movie of the year. There are a lot of movies with an earnest claim on this one. I’d really only look askance on District 9, An Education, Hurt Locker, or Precious. And I liked two of those movies.