Evan Almighty: Return of the Clones Report

You might have heard this is a bad movie. It is. Who is the producer who is deciding, "Hey, let's take Jim Carey movies, make a sequel, but not have Jim Carey." At least this time they tried harder to find someone funny to replace Carey's character. Unfortunately, Steve Carell's long televised emotional breakdown seems to be reaching it's peak and he refuses to tell us any jokes in this film.

The formula here seems to have been even more eggregiously flawed in the sense that they replaced Jennifer Aniston with Generic Actress Blank and Molly Shannon. I knew the rumors were true when Molly Shannon popped her head in. She's a poison pill. I don't know how Talladega Nights survived.

Without further ado:
1) Return of the Kings Factor for extreme length: Ok, so it's not overlong. 4.
2) World's End Factor for Excess Exposition: Again, not a problem. This is a comedy, there doesn't need to be a plot. 2.
3) Nice Neat Package Rating: Well, the flood carries the ark to the capital at the very moment the evil congressman is about to pound the gavel on his corrupt deal. Tied up in a bow. 10.
4) X-Men X Factor for Setting up the Next Sequel: Unless John Goodman is being tapped for Congressman Almighty, I think that this financial dud is safely the last of this forgettable series. That or Wanda Almighty or That Other Daily Show Guy Almighty. 3.
5) Harried Writer Syndrome - Honestly, you've got all the animals at the zoo and most of the jokes are about being unable to shave, get a haircut, or wear normal clothes? Don't you trivialize the Bible by making 'Biblical' equal to gray hair, a beard, and robes? I want 2 hours of animal jokes. You've even got Morgan Freeman there to narrate it. 7.
6) Bored Writer Syndrome - I can't say they were bored. I'm just curious as to whether they were Christian or not. I mean, there was a lot of potential to work with here and it's totally untapped, humor-wise and bible-wise. 5.
7) Kirsten Dunst Syndrome for bad original casting - Well, even taking Carey and Aniston out, they lucked out to have a previously hot ticket like Carell around. But I have to take points off for dropping the stars. 5.
8) Johnny Depp Syndrome for bored actors - Pretty sure Carell mailed this one in. Either that or he's not really funny. Word to Wanda Sykes, the guy who played Letterman in the Lateshift, and the Daily Show Guy for working hard w/ nowhere to go. 5.
9) Ewok syndrome - I guess they can't sell bibles given how churches give them away and all, but the animals were a desparate plea for kids. 6.
10) George Lucas Disease for Letdown Factor - My expectation were aroused but not high, and after the review, they were very low. And still unmet. Am I wrong that Steve Carell and animals should have been funnier? 5.

Return of the Clones Factor: 52 - saved only by low expectations and non-sequelyness.
Most Disappointing:
1. Pirates of the Caribbean 3 - 66
2. Shrek 3 - 59
3. Spiderman 3 - 53
4. Bruce Almighty 2 - 52
5. Ocean's 13 - 28
6. Die Hard 4 - 19