Why Your Favorite Movie Sucks: Donnie Darko
Cult Classic? Neither.
Let's start with the positive. The bunny suit is cool. It's good to see Patrick Swayze get work. I feel bad for that generation that really suffered there for a while: Swayze, Travolta, Kurt Russell. Swayze's caught the worst of it.
I guess it's well thought out at least. And that leaf blower thing at the beginning is genius.
So, that's it. Let's get to the Cardinal Sins:
1) Preachy. The biggest problem with the film is that, rather than being about a messed up kid with paranoid schizophrenia the WHOLE time, it's only about that 1/2 the time. The other half is about how intolerant and impermissive schools are. That's why they ban a Graham Greene short story, because, you know, that's what schools do. Nevermind that the most banned book in America is Huck Finn, because in real life, schools ban books because they don't get satire.
The bigger problem is that the moral paragon teacher, the Robin Williams 'carpe diem' teacher, is Drew Barrymore. It's a little difficult to see Drew teaching Graham Greene, especially after her turn in documentary film making. For you see, Drew made a documentary film in which she went to DC to learn about politics and ends up blubbering in tears before the camera, "Why'd I choose politics? It's so confusing."
Worse, the supposedly 'gotcha' teenage moments aren't that good. Even Election was better in that respect. So was Napoleon Dynamite.
2) Political. The first line of the film is, "I'm voting for Dukakis." Throughout the movie, we get a very tired and hackneyed version of the ignorant Christian ruining the beautiful world of teenage despair, layered with an admittedly subtle if equally lame tip of the hat to Reagan being the ideological inspiration for all this. Which leads to the question, was this movie written recently, in which case it's merely boring, or did it take this long to get it onto film?
I think the lamest part is the self-help Christian, Swayze, turning out to have a kiddie porn dungeon. This is a lame take-off of the equally gag-worthy contrived hypocrisy of the neo-nazi gay guy in American Beauty.
Does this all ring true with people? Is this really what your life in high school was like? Are we really to revel in our neighbor's hypocrisies, as long as the neighbor's are ideological enemies? Is every one we know that deep of a hypocrite?
3) Psychosexual. It didn't have to be. But they just had to throw in the hypnosis scene where he starts feeling himself up because, you know, that's art. Honestly, it's true, sexual tension is a very teenage issue. But if you want to deal with that, there's better ways than a casual toss-in.
4) Too Long. Every movie that's more character study than plot is too long. I could have done with more of the girlfriend. I liked her. The love story should have been built up so that it meant more when she died.
5) Whiny Hero. Boy did he whine. Remind me again why we're supposed to feel sorry for bums like the main character?
To sum up what should have happened: good bunny, more love story should replace lame Drew Barrymore related preaching, leading to real main character drama about being pulled between this love affair with a damaged girl and the paranoid psychosis that leads to main character's delusions.
I'm like radio shack for scripts - you've got questions, I've got answers.
Monday, March 27, 2006
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Anderson Cooper Nobly Watches People Do Good Things
Ok, so our whipping boy took an extra day to find something to say. I started the post with "OK" because that's what Anderson did - I believe he actually ran a study and a focus group to determine that the best way to make it seem like a blog is to start with "OK".
The title is "Trading Beer Bongs for Sledgehammers". So I guess we know what Anderson was up to in college. Of course, it doesn't hurt that his mater familia already has a UNIVERSITY named after it. I would guess that Vanderbilt was a pretty safe safety school for Coop.
Anderson is trying to feed off the Katrina cache and self-congradulation that the media gave itself after Katrina, deeply worried about the lack of a rebuilding plan and discussing how often he visits the area. The excuse for this sordid back-slapping session is that Anderson is watching college students who have paid their way for a spring break spent tearing down Katrina-destroyed homes.
Of course, kudos to the young folks. Here's just a little thought for Coop though: if you've spent so much time in Katrina and are so personally moved by it...have you helped tear down a single house yet? Or do you just stand in front of the camera and then head down to Bourbon Street to relive your college days? Or maybe you could dip into that unimaginably large family fortune and do a little rebuilding of your own?
But that would violate media ethics...you know, actually solving a problem instead of looking gravely into the camera and shaking your head at them.
Ok, so our whipping boy took an extra day to find something to say. I started the post with "OK" because that's what Anderson did - I believe he actually ran a study and a focus group to determine that the best way to make it seem like a blog is to start with "OK".
The title is "Trading Beer Bongs for Sledgehammers". So I guess we know what Anderson was up to in college. Of course, it doesn't hurt that his mater familia already has a UNIVERSITY named after it. I would guess that Vanderbilt was a pretty safe safety school for Coop.
Anderson is trying to feed off the Katrina cache and self-congradulation that the media gave itself after Katrina, deeply worried about the lack of a rebuilding plan and discussing how often he visits the area. The excuse for this sordid back-slapping session is that Anderson is watching college students who have paid their way for a spring break spent tearing down Katrina-destroyed homes.
Of course, kudos to the young folks. Here's just a little thought for Coop though: if you've spent so much time in Katrina and are so personally moved by it...have you helped tear down a single house yet? Or do you just stand in front of the camera and then head down to Bourbon Street to relive your college days? Or maybe you could dip into that unimaginably large family fortune and do a little rebuilding of your own?
But that would violate media ethics...you know, actually solving a problem instead of looking gravely into the camera and shaking your head at them.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Anderson Cooper Strikes Again
http://www.cnn.com/CNN/Programs/anderson.cooper.360/blog/
So apparently the Veiled Vanderbilt deigns post on his own CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED blog every Wednesday. I foresee Wednesday evenings growing exceedingly pleasant, and not just because of the all you can eat Indian buffet.
Since Anderson has nothing to say about the world, once again his post is dedicated to eulogizing something, this time it's Mike Wallace's career. I would have thought that such a eulogy would have been delivered when CBS news sank with Rather, or when Wallace died 15 years ago and was injected with Dick Clark serum. At least Bob Barker has a decent makeup job that makes him look human. Mike Wallace is a walking mass of plastic surgery. Honestly CBS, we can handle an 88-year old anchor. He can look like an old man. Or maybe it's just Wallace who is vain. That's a lot of vanity, or maybe just an unhealthy dose of vanity stretched VERY taught over a number of years on the downside of the hill.
Nevertheless, it's once again amusing to note that Cooper JUST MET WALLACE. Does Anderson actually care enough about anyone he's eulogizing to, you know, maintain a friendship with him?
I actually appreciate this post in the sense that if Anderson weren't so dense, it could be deep satire. Let's play out the possible hidden meaning of his posts:
"You Look Like A Kid" Translation: "Mike Wallace Called Me A Kid!"
When I heard Mike Wallace was stepping down, I thought, 'Goddamn is CBS desparate, they work the poor robot to the bone...errr gear. I've been suckling at the teat of MSM ever since I was an airhead kid and I remember him reading a lot of stuff to me back then too.
Then comes this, "To me, 60 minutes is still the best news magazine program on broadcast tv." Notice that cable TV doesn't count since, well, a certain someone has a news magazine program on cable TV. Oh, and then there's the whole, no real competition thing. And maybe Anderson just missed that time that 60 minutes MADE UP A STORY AND GOT CAUGHT!
Then there's "It's the only show I listen to on the radio if I'm in a car when it's on." Ignore the dangling modifiers, the circular logic. No, no, I'm sorry. Laugh at them.
Then he talks about how he flew down to Florida this weekend and sat between Mike and his wife Mary at a charity event, where he met Mike for the first time. I.E. I just met him on the way out the door.
Then Mike tells Andy he looks like a kid. And Andy responds by writing some pleasantries:
"When Mike told me he was going to be 88 years old this year, I did a double take. I couldn't believe it. He looks amazing, and has far more energy than I do."
Translation: When Mike told me I looked like a kid, I thought, you're 88 you geriatric garlic pickle. That rascal Orville Redenbacher probably hit a ball through your store window.
Then Anderson tells us how hard his life is. Apparently news is hard on his bady and brone, I mean body and brain. Poor guy. Apparently in the teleprompter reading business, you actually have to do the reading.
RE: Commenter. I don't see how my reading of the text was wrong. He says he met him only recently and goes straight into the Charity event. If anything, you prove the point that Anderson Cooper can't write. Occham's Razor says that the simplest explanation is most likely correct. Barring the evidence you've added, one ought to surmise what I did.
I think what's stranger is that you knew that Anderson Cooper interviewed Mike Wallace on depression in Feb '05. Who remembers things like that? How is that possible? Is Mike Wallace a reknowned world expert on depression? Is he personally depressed? Is Anderson? I have only the vaguest recollection of Feb '05 from my own life...how do you come by the interview schedule of Anderson Cooper so readily?
http://www.cnn.com/CNN/Programs/anderson.cooper.360/blog/
So apparently the Veiled Vanderbilt deigns post on his own CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED blog every Wednesday. I foresee Wednesday evenings growing exceedingly pleasant, and not just because of the all you can eat Indian buffet.
Since Anderson has nothing to say about the world, once again his post is dedicated to eulogizing something, this time it's Mike Wallace's career. I would have thought that such a eulogy would have been delivered when CBS news sank with Rather, or when Wallace died 15 years ago and was injected with Dick Clark serum. At least Bob Barker has a decent makeup job that makes him look human. Mike Wallace is a walking mass of plastic surgery. Honestly CBS, we can handle an 88-year old anchor. He can look like an old man. Or maybe it's just Wallace who is vain. That's a lot of vanity, or maybe just an unhealthy dose of vanity stretched VERY taught over a number of years on the downside of the hill.
Nevertheless, it's once again amusing to note that Cooper JUST MET WALLACE. Does Anderson actually care enough about anyone he's eulogizing to, you know, maintain a friendship with him?
I actually appreciate this post in the sense that if Anderson weren't so dense, it could be deep satire. Let's play out the possible hidden meaning of his posts:
"You Look Like A Kid" Translation: "Mike Wallace Called Me A Kid!"
When I heard Mike Wallace was stepping down, I thought, 'Goddamn is CBS desparate, they work the poor robot to the bone...errr gear. I've been suckling at the teat of MSM ever since I was an airhead kid and I remember him reading a lot of stuff to me back then too.
Then comes this, "To me, 60 minutes is still the best news magazine program on broadcast tv." Notice that cable TV doesn't count since, well, a certain someone has a news magazine program on cable TV. Oh, and then there's the whole, no real competition thing. And maybe Anderson just missed that time that 60 minutes MADE UP A STORY AND GOT CAUGHT!
Then there's "It's the only show I listen to on the radio if I'm in a car when it's on." Ignore the dangling modifiers, the circular logic. No, no, I'm sorry. Laugh at them.
Then he talks about how he flew down to Florida this weekend and sat between Mike and his wife Mary at a charity event, where he met Mike for the first time. I.E. I just met him on the way out the door.
Then Mike tells Andy he looks like a kid. And Andy responds by writing some pleasantries:
"When Mike told me he was going to be 88 years old this year, I did a double take. I couldn't believe it. He looks amazing, and has far more energy than I do."
Translation: When Mike told me I looked like a kid, I thought, you're 88 you geriatric garlic pickle. That rascal Orville Redenbacher probably hit a ball through your store window.
Then Anderson tells us how hard his life is. Apparently news is hard on his bady and brone, I mean body and brain. Poor guy. Apparently in the teleprompter reading business, you actually have to do the reading.
RE: Commenter. I don't see how my reading of the text was wrong. He says he met him only recently and goes straight into the Charity event. If anything, you prove the point that Anderson Cooper can't write. Occham's Razor says that the simplest explanation is most likely correct. Barring the evidence you've added, one ought to surmise what I did.
I think what's stranger is that you knew that Anderson Cooper interviewed Mike Wallace on depression in Feb '05. Who remembers things like that? How is that possible? Is Mike Wallace a reknowned world expert on depression? Is he personally depressed? Is Anderson? I have only the vaguest recollection of Feb '05 from my own life...how do you come by the interview schedule of Anderson Cooper so readily?
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Just a thought - nearly every major periodical in America is struggling for cash. Some, like Wall Street Journal, are run in the red because their owner doesn't care if they lose money. Some, like the New York Times, don't have that luxury and are panicked.
But what would have happened if we hadn't banned smoking advertising in periodicals. Think about it - tax increases are far more punitive measures while the advertising is a second order punishment whose effect is more to discourage current smokers from trying new brands rather than scaring away potential customers. But just think...might many of those same periodicals still be surviving financially? Periodicals depend on advertising, not subscription dues, for their financial health - thus the wealth of free magazines any savvy consumer can obtain. Did any of these periodicals come out in favor of the advertising ban, thereby sealing their own financial doom?
I would think not. I expect that tobacco companies, just like most companies, would have realized by now that print advertising is a poor investment. But then again, I think most advertising is bad investment. Think about it - which is more likely to get you to try a new item priced at 5 dollars - a 5 million dollar ad campaign? or giving 1 million people coupons to try free stuff. It seems to me that most concept advertising survives only on the hope of defining one's market, on the laziness of retailers, who would rather not cash coupons with the corporation, and on the corporation's ultimate fear that it's product isn't very good, and that the more people who actually try it, the more quickly consumers will realize it's no good. After all, coke with lime in it is still in your local corner store's display case.
But what would have happened if we hadn't banned smoking advertising in periodicals. Think about it - tax increases are far more punitive measures while the advertising is a second order punishment whose effect is more to discourage current smokers from trying new brands rather than scaring away potential customers. But just think...might many of those same periodicals still be surviving financially? Periodicals depend on advertising, not subscription dues, for their financial health - thus the wealth of free magazines any savvy consumer can obtain. Did any of these periodicals come out in favor of the advertising ban, thereby sealing their own financial doom?
I would think not. I expect that tobacco companies, just like most companies, would have realized by now that print advertising is a poor investment. But then again, I think most advertising is bad investment. Think about it - which is more likely to get you to try a new item priced at 5 dollars - a 5 million dollar ad campaign? or giving 1 million people coupons to try free stuff. It seems to me that most concept advertising survives only on the hope of defining one's market, on the laziness of retailers, who would rather not cash coupons with the corporation, and on the corporation's ultimate fear that it's product isn't very good, and that the more people who actually try it, the more quickly consumers will realize it's no good. After all, coke with lime in it is still in your local corner store's display case.
Monday, March 13, 2006
Anderson Cooper 360: Ghost Written, Market Tested, Mother Approved
I like the name of his blog because it accurately depicts what happens when you read it: you end up in the same place you started. Then there's the subtext: by not using his real name, i.e. being Gloria Vanderbilt's child of priviledge, he's forgoing any ties to an institution of higher learning in addition to pretending to have gotten to his perch in life through any effort of his own.
I believe a weekly fisking is in order. Let's start with this week.
Anderson leads us off with the tempting title "3 Little Words That Changed A War". You might be led to think that Anderson has found some order from a key Iraqi figure that changed the course of the event. So what are Anderson's 3 little words? Improvised Explosive Device.
Pointing out that IED's have affected the outcome of the war is sort of like recently upgrading from a rotary phone. Perhaps Anderson is just getting a hold of this new phrase, "All that and a bowl of cherries" as well, having recently disregarded "Tubular to the max" as a bit passe. I imagine Anderson sitting in a Volvo listening to a news cut on IEDs in between singing along with "I Saw The Sun" and "Here Comes the Hot-Stepper" and thinking, "Hey, this IED stuff is blog material."
Except the end of the article is signed by someone named Barbara Starr. That's right...the Anderson Cooper blog is GHOST WRITTEN!!!! What does a talking head actually do all day that he can't put together a banal blog? How do you find other writers to contribute the appropriately banal blather that fits the Anderson Cooper image? Do they have focus groups churn out sentences? Perhaps they hire an advertising firm? Or perhaps they go the traditional route - take mediocre journalism students, crush the will to live out of them with a few years working the AP/Reuters beat, and then hand them a modest salary for what's left of their souls.
So let's find the last time the talking hair actually had something to say for himself - March 7th, when he eulogized his mother's friend. It's tough to fisk a eulogy. It might seem heartless. But let's begin - Andersoon Cooper can't write. When you want to eulogize someone, that would seem to be the time that you drop the 4th grade level stacatto that passes for Time-Life writing and break out those tricky 9th grade concepts - alliteration, consonance, simile, figurative language. But of course none of that is taught if 9th grade english because dipsticks like Andersoon Cooper need their A's.
Here's the real problem - everything. A hefty section of the eulogy is devoted to kissing up to mother Gloria, how progressive she is, how glorious in all ways. There are no less than 5 separate paragraphs dedicated to pre-eulogizing his mother and how cool she is with black people. Then, we're told the dearly departed was a great photographer, only to find the pictures sitting next to the blog, taken by the dead man to be completely non-descript. We're given no reference point for why this man's art was any good. The only quaint story we hear is how he used to lie to little children. And to wrap this menagerie of incompetence up, Anderson admits that he didn't even know the man was ill.
We have our first Mother's Day blog, running year round, on a major national website.
Anderson Cooper 360: Ghost Written, Market Tested, Mother Approved.
I like the name of his blog because it accurately depicts what happens when you read it: you end up in the same place you started. Then there's the subtext: by not using his real name, i.e. being Gloria Vanderbilt's child of priviledge, he's forgoing any ties to an institution of higher learning in addition to pretending to have gotten to his perch in life through any effort of his own.
I believe a weekly fisking is in order. Let's start with this week.
Anderson leads us off with the tempting title "3 Little Words That Changed A War". You might be led to think that Anderson has found some order from a key Iraqi figure that changed the course of the event. So what are Anderson's 3 little words? Improvised Explosive Device.
Pointing out that IED's have affected the outcome of the war is sort of like recently upgrading from a rotary phone. Perhaps Anderson is just getting a hold of this new phrase, "All that and a bowl of cherries" as well, having recently disregarded "Tubular to the max" as a bit passe. I imagine Anderson sitting in a Volvo listening to a news cut on IEDs in between singing along with "I Saw The Sun" and "Here Comes the Hot-Stepper" and thinking, "Hey, this IED stuff is blog material."
Except the end of the article is signed by someone named Barbara Starr. That's right...the Anderson Cooper blog is GHOST WRITTEN!!!! What does a talking head actually do all day that he can't put together a banal blog? How do you find other writers to contribute the appropriately banal blather that fits the Anderson Cooper image? Do they have focus groups churn out sentences? Perhaps they hire an advertising firm? Or perhaps they go the traditional route - take mediocre journalism students, crush the will to live out of them with a few years working the AP/Reuters beat, and then hand them a modest salary for what's left of their souls.
So let's find the last time the talking hair actually had something to say for himself - March 7th, when he eulogized his mother's friend. It's tough to fisk a eulogy. It might seem heartless. But let's begin - Andersoon Cooper can't write. When you want to eulogize someone, that would seem to be the time that you drop the 4th grade level stacatto that passes for Time-Life writing and break out those tricky 9th grade concepts - alliteration, consonance, simile, figurative language. But of course none of that is taught if 9th grade english because dipsticks like Andersoon Cooper need their A's.
Here's the real problem - everything. A hefty section of the eulogy is devoted to kissing up to mother Gloria, how progressive she is, how glorious in all ways. There are no less than 5 separate paragraphs dedicated to pre-eulogizing his mother and how cool she is with black people. Then, we're told the dearly departed was a great photographer, only to find the pictures sitting next to the blog, taken by the dead man to be completely non-descript. We're given no reference point for why this man's art was any good. The only quaint story we hear is how he used to lie to little children. And to wrap this menagerie of incompetence up, Anderson admits that he didn't even know the man was ill.
We have our first Mother's Day blog, running year round, on a major national website.
Anderson Cooper 360: Ghost Written, Market Tested, Mother Approved.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
OSCAR REVIEW
First of all, hooray for Jon Stewart. Couldn't have been better.
BEST PICTURE:
Predicted: Brokeback
Should: Crash
Actual: Crash
I guess we all learned that race still matters more than sexual preference. Except when the director's a minority. Lesson learned.
BEST ACTOR:
Predicted: PSH
Should: PSH
Actual: PSH
We all knew.
BEST ACTRESS:
Predicted: Theron
Should: Knightly
Actual: Witherspoon
I fell down on this one - I didn't realize Witherspoon was playing someone famous. Plus Theron already won.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:
PREDICTED: Clooney
SHOULD: Dillon
Actual: Clooney
How you like me now. This was sort of like Clooney's Christopher moment in the Sopranos: he got his stripes, and now he has to buy everyone dinner and watch his girlfriend's panties get sniffed by the boss. I liked Clooney's speech, especially because it demonstrated his point. I think he's more sophisticated in his kool-aid sipping than the Babses and Sarandons. He mixes some red wine into the kool-aid
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS:
Predicted: Michelle Williams
Should: Frances McDormand
Actual: Rachel Weisz
I really fell down on this one - I thought Rachel played a more sophisticated character, and I thought the issues were foreign. I didn't realize it was about drug companies and a noble idealist. Plus it safely avoids having her spend time chasing an academy award. Yes, I'm looking at you aging comedians.
2-5. But if I'd seen the movies I would have been able to make a fairer evaluation. I think I also deserve credit for making my picks a month early, before all the winners got leaked by the buzz machine. Or maybe I just don't the have the knack with the ladies.
PS Ezekiel Jones - calm the bleep down. What happened to the sense of humor?
First of all, hooray for Jon Stewart. Couldn't have been better.
BEST PICTURE:
Predicted: Brokeback
Should: Crash
Actual: Crash
I guess we all learned that race still matters more than sexual preference. Except when the director's a minority. Lesson learned.
BEST ACTOR:
Predicted: PSH
Should: PSH
Actual: PSH
We all knew.
BEST ACTRESS:
Predicted: Theron
Should: Knightly
Actual: Witherspoon
I fell down on this one - I didn't realize Witherspoon was playing someone famous. Plus Theron already won.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:
PREDICTED: Clooney
SHOULD: Dillon
Actual: Clooney
How you like me now. This was sort of like Clooney's Christopher moment in the Sopranos: he got his stripes, and now he has to buy everyone dinner and watch his girlfriend's panties get sniffed by the boss. I liked Clooney's speech, especially because it demonstrated his point. I think he's more sophisticated in his kool-aid sipping than the Babses and Sarandons. He mixes some red wine into the kool-aid
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS:
Predicted: Michelle Williams
Should: Frances McDormand
Actual: Rachel Weisz
I really fell down on this one - I thought Rachel played a more sophisticated character, and I thought the issues were foreign. I didn't realize it was about drug companies and a noble idealist. Plus it safely avoids having her spend time chasing an academy award. Yes, I'm looking at you aging comedians.
2-5. But if I'd seen the movies I would have been able to make a fairer evaluation. I think I also deserve credit for making my picks a month early, before all the winners got leaked by the buzz machine. Or maybe I just don't the have the knack with the ladies.
PS Ezekiel Jones - calm the bleep down. What happened to the sense of humor?
Friday, March 03, 2006
Salad and Pizza
Last night, Paula Abdul referred to 2 contestants on the chopping block in what media types are calling "incoherent" fashion, quoting Simon as saying that the reason they were in danger of being cut was that "one ate pizza and the other ate salad."
I didn't get it at first, but then I realized - the pretty blonde one was looking a little chubby in her skin tight shirt and the mannish black girl was...well, you know.
1. That got said ON AIR
2. It's really funny
3. Paula Abdul said it because she was intoxicated and Simon had this look on his face like, "You're not supposed to repeat what I whisper to you during commercial break...but yes, I am that clever."
Last night, Paula Abdul referred to 2 contestants on the chopping block in what media types are calling "incoherent" fashion, quoting Simon as saying that the reason they were in danger of being cut was that "one ate pizza and the other ate salad."
I didn't get it at first, but then I realized - the pretty blonde one was looking a little chubby in her skin tight shirt and the mannish black girl was...well, you know.
1. That got said ON AIR
2. It's really funny
3. Paula Abdul said it because she was intoxicated and Simon had this look on his face like, "You're not supposed to repeat what I whisper to you during commercial break...but yes, I am that clever."
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Don't Steal My Stuff
In case you missed it, Anne Culter just took my Oscar prediction idea, subtracted the humor and added her trademark mean-spiritedness:
http://www.humaneventsonline.com/article.php?id=12857&o=ANN001
Plus she didn't research the previous year!
I know it's tough to put out a column a week...oh, no, wait, I do that...and I have a day job and a social life! Maybe she's too busy talking to hear herself think?
Weirder still, apparently she drinks with Bill Maher. And apparently Bill Maher is drinking buddies with Hugh Hefner. That'd be more interesting than most nights out at least...you'd meet Anne Coulter at the bar and you'd think, 'I wonder if someone famous is doing her.' But before you can ask, Larry King comes over except it's not Larry King, it's just his hair sitting atop a short, snide little prick with a cable comedy show...no not Dennis Miller, the one with the average vocabulary - that's it Bill Maher. And then you think...nooooo way is he doing her. So then Hef comes over and you see him standing next to Bill Maher and suddenly the Beethoven haircut makes sense - Bill Maher is trying to be a snide priggish version of Hef. He's probably even wearing a bathrobe and sniffing a polo. So anyway, Hef comes over and you look at him and you look at Anne and you think...nooo wayyyyy...
But it has to be somebody right? So let's brainstorm the most amusing people to do Anne Coulter.
My list is:
Bill Maher
Hugh Hefner
Nick Lachey and/or Matt Leinart
The nerdy kid from Parker Lewis Can't Lose
Larry King
In case you missed it, Anne Culter just took my Oscar prediction idea, subtracted the humor and added her trademark mean-spiritedness:
http://www.humaneventsonline.com/article.php?id=12857&o=ANN001
Plus she didn't research the previous year!
I know it's tough to put out a column a week...oh, no, wait, I do that...and I have a day job and a social life! Maybe she's too busy talking to hear herself think?
Weirder still, apparently she drinks with Bill Maher. And apparently Bill Maher is drinking buddies with Hugh Hefner. That'd be more interesting than most nights out at least...you'd meet Anne Coulter at the bar and you'd think, 'I wonder if someone famous is doing her.' But before you can ask, Larry King comes over except it's not Larry King, it's just his hair sitting atop a short, snide little prick with a cable comedy show...no not Dennis Miller, the one with the average vocabulary - that's it Bill Maher. And then you think...nooooo way is he doing her. So then Hef comes over and you see him standing next to Bill Maher and suddenly the Beethoven haircut makes sense - Bill Maher is trying to be a snide priggish version of Hef. He's probably even wearing a bathrobe and sniffing a polo. So anyway, Hef comes over and you look at him and you look at Anne and you think...nooo wayyyyy...
But it has to be somebody right? So let's brainstorm the most amusing people to do Anne Coulter.
My list is:
Bill Maher
Hugh Hefner
Nick Lachey and/or Matt Leinart
The nerdy kid from Parker Lewis Can't Lose
Larry King
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