Ranking the State Flags
Much like all states aren't worthy of comment, all state flags aren't either. Without further ado, we start from the worst, note some highlights in the middle, and then get to the best.
Bottom Ten:
50.
Mississippi - Purely aesthetically, it's actually quite pleasing. However, Confederate flag PLUS sideways French flag equals instant fail. For shame sirs.
49. Michig
an - There's a lot not to like here. First of all, there's the cartoon non-matching deer. (See Pennsylvania's black stallions for the right way.) Then, there's a weird guy waving hello in the middle. To top it all off, there's WAY too much latin lettering. This is probably to distract you from the extreme lameness of what's written on the bottom, "If you seek a pleasant peninsula, look about you." Just in case you didn't know where to find a pleasant peninsula.
48. Colorado - I'm confused as to whether this is a state flag or a failed Cubs marketing gig. I can just see the Wrigley company dumping 4,000 of these on Colorado in exchange for what's left of Pedro Astacio.
47. Alabama - Alabama's state flag says, "No you can't." I like that Florida's flag is the same thing plus the state seal with Seminoles and the beach. It's like "Yeah, we'd be Alabama if not for all the cool stuff."
46. New York - Marketing capital of the world...cartoonish drawings? Pastels? The only thing that redeems this totally incongruous wreck is the phrase 'excelsior' - ever upward. Nothing else fits. Back to the drawingboard.
45/44. Delaware/Maine It's a tie for worst Brokeback factor. Delaware guys are checking each other out. Maine guys appear to be two versions of Captain Feathersword from the Wiggles. West Virginia and Wisconsin are just two dudes. New York and New Jersey sport two ladies...hmmmm. In fact, only Idaho has a guy and a girl.
43. Louisiana - Hey Mississippi, if you're ever inspired to drop the stars and bars, allow me to refer you to Louisiana for what not to do, which was to phase it out in favor of a pelican tearing flesh from its breast to feed its young. It also kind of suggests that Louisiana is the welfare state. Also amusing is union (from a slave state), justice (from America's most corrupt state), and...confidence? Here's a clue - a music note. Does that work for everyone?
42. South Dakota - I tried blowing this flag up but it's just as incomprehensible. The state seal appears to be a hand drawing of a grainy photo of a mountain. either that or someone used an etch-a-sketch to draw it.
41. Minnesota - Something about the heartland tells your local state legislature (I'm thinking of you too Illinois and Kansas), "Hey, let's have the governor's daughter draw the state flag in felt pen." I feel like these flags should be on that website where the guy makes fun of children'sdrawings. Minnesota wins out for the yellow fringe border...on three sides of the flag. It's like the kid forgot to color the other part.
SPECIAL AWARDS SECTION:
Idaho - “Best Dig at Another State’s Flag” Remember that goofy Michigan deer? The one on the left? Haha! He’s back.
North Dakota - “Strangest Prop” 1007...1008...1009. Oh, I'm sorry, I was just flexing and sculpting my talons. It's boring but it's part of my life.
Utah - “Most Incongruous Single Word Addition” - Industry? Industry! What is this? Borat's Kazakhstan. I vote that the state flag be changed to this girl’s shirt.
South Carolina - “Poorest Foresight” - Post-Confederacy, SC adopted their local uniform symbol, the crescent moon. Whoops - that symbol of Islam thing must have been a blind-side. That palmetto isn't lessening the imagery.
Wyoming - “Best representation of species depopulation” - You might wonder what went on in Wyoming. There used to be a lot of buffalo. Then they got killed and branded with the state seal!
Maryland - “Miss Congeniality” - Maryland wins hands down at your local state flag jousting contest.
10. Arizona - A stately and appropriate flag which is docked somewhat for it’s vague similarity to the Japanese rising sun flag. Thankfully, Arizona is where the sun sets.
9. Pennsylvania - An old school flag done right and well-drawn
8. Oklahoma - A hat-tip to history plus a peace pipe. Well done.
7. Alaska - For all the awful flags from the Midwest that look like the gubner’s daughter doodled them for arts & crafts, Alaska actually did let the school kids come up with the design and it turned out pretty well - subdued and appropriate.
6. Nevada - Nevada shied away from the butt-ugly drawing and decided to rock the awesome slogan “Battle Born”. The lack of an iconic graphic and the way in which history has taken Nevada in another direction docks it a few points. In retrospect, perhaps the original design was better.
4. Virginia - This flag just rocks. It’s liberty stomping on a de-crowned king declaring, “Ever thus to tyrants”. My complaint is that this phrase isn’t prominent enough. But take note lame Vermont flag - you’re sitting on “Live Free or Die”. Think about it.
3. Texas - The lone star is an undeniable icon. But taken in general, it’s kind of plain.
2. California - I’m a homer. I love this flag. I’d like to get it as a sheet set.
