SOUTH AFRICA DAY 8: WORLD CUP GAME #1
HAKUNA MATATA: Today was the first world cup game I actually went to: Argentina vs. South Korea. Parking was fairly well thought out, and the march into the massive Soccer City stadium was fun, with lots of meats being grilled and vuvuzelas. Slowly all the different lines of people converge and the hum of the stadium gets closer. Security is tighter at this stadium than any of the others, and the 82,000 fans plus make it a massive ordeal to get in. Approaching the stadium, more and more the hum of the hornets nest of vuvuzelas begins to shake the ground until finally, you turn a corner and you can look down on the pitch. The stands are massed with flags and colors...some of the closer seats to be filled in by bused-in school children. Argentina fans grossly outnumber two small cadres of South Korean fans, though the Koreans are upbeat and noisy all game, despite the eventual outcome. But Argentina fans come with huge cheering sections for every player, flags adorned with the likenesses of Maradonna and Che on equal footing. We arrived just before introductions, so all of the pleasant pre-game pageantry was our introduction - the singing of the anthems, the half-field sized flags rolled over the fans heads.
The vuvuzelas are loud but not intolerable when in concert. They roll and rock with the proceedings and truly add to the atmosphere.
The game itself was entertaining despite the lopsided final score. Argentina put a few goals in and looked very strong. Despite his failure to score in the game, or the tournament, Messi is noticeably special, always going a direction no one thinks to go with the ball because only he can keep control of it with that move. Argentina seemed comfortable with the lead before an awful mistake on defense gave Korea a goal right before halftime. The game picked up considerably as a result when play resumed and the Koreans put together a few of the best runs of the game only to miss on their scoring opportunity. Finally Argentina settled back in and controlled the ball, inexorably putting a few more goals in the net to finish it. My only complaint: stadium concessions were standard American fare (hotdogs etc). A huge missed opportunity in my opinion.
OH...AFRICA: If you find a lose diamond lying on the ground in South Africa, it belongs to de Beers. Literally. They own the rights to all undiscovered and unclaimed diamonds.
WORLD CUP TIP: Being up from the field a bit can be a blessing, and don't get seats behind the goals. At ground level, it can be difficult to see the cross-pitch strategy. But from a bit removed, it is a very easy game to watch. But it is absolutely vital to sit somewhere on the sideline - behind the goal is a very poor viewing area.
JUSTINE'S TIPS ON SOUTH AFRICA: That restaurant isn't locking you out. The Portuguese place we went to, for example, had the front door locked when we first tried it, even though we could see people inside. For safety and security purposes, restaurants have a remote lock on their front door. Just smile, show your gun-less hands, and try again.
Friday, July 09, 2010
Thursday, July 08, 2010
SOUTH AFRICA TRIP: DAY 7
On the way back from the Magaliesberg, we stopped at the Cradle of Mankind, an overwrought, underinteresting globalists' wet dream loosely based on the fact that some of the skeletal remains of human ancestors were found in the area. The monolingual Japanese tourists cutting in line enmasse didn't help. Into a cave where the bones are found...mostly of antelopes. And it's FREEZING COLD - everywhere, not just the cave.
HAKUNA MATATA: Back in johannesburg, Justine's mom made a delicious dinner.
OH...AFRICA: That awful red card in the South Africa - Uruguay game ended up killing off the host country's chance at the next round. Too bad, it would have been a mad house. I think we saw the team bus en route to the game and the whole neighborhood was chasing it, vuvuzelas in tow.
WC TIP: So supposedly the world cup is one massive party with constant global hook-ups. The radio was atwitter with the million condoms story, the naming of twins Bafana and Mexico. But everywhere Justine and I went, Justine was about the only girl there. I don't know if it was the South Africa, the winter, or the soccer, but, as is most often the case for young men headed out to meet random ladies: PREPARE FOR DISAPPOINTMENT. Go for the soccer, not the party.
JUSTINE'S TIPS ON SOUTH AFRICA: Mulva pudding. It's good.
On the way back from the Magaliesberg, we stopped at the Cradle of Mankind, an overwrought, underinteresting globalists' wet dream loosely based on the fact that some of the skeletal remains of human ancestors were found in the area. The monolingual Japanese tourists cutting in line enmasse didn't help. Into a cave where the bones are found...mostly of antelopes. And it's FREEZING COLD - everywhere, not just the cave.
HAKUNA MATATA: Back in johannesburg, Justine's mom made a delicious dinner.
OH...AFRICA: That awful red card in the South Africa - Uruguay game ended up killing off the host country's chance at the next round. Too bad, it would have been a mad house. I think we saw the team bus en route to the game and the whole neighborhood was chasing it, vuvuzelas in tow.
WC TIP: So supposedly the world cup is one massive party with constant global hook-ups. The radio was atwitter with the million condoms story, the naming of twins Bafana and Mexico. But everywhere Justine and I went, Justine was about the only girl there. I don't know if it was the South Africa, the winter, or the soccer, but, as is most often the case for young men headed out to meet random ladies: PREPARE FOR DISAPPOINTMENT. Go for the soccer, not the party.
JUSTINE'S TIPS ON SOUTH AFRICA: Mulva pudding. It's good.
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
SOUTH AFRICA TRIP DAYS 5-6: SEMI-SAFARI!!!
Off we drove to the Magaliesberg for a few days driving through one of the many national game reserves. (I received no end of an earful for calling them 'preserves' in that Indians don't live on Preservations.) This one is closer to Johannesburg and has the advantage of not being in a malaria zone, unlike the larger, more famous, more crowded, and better populated Kruger. This one supposedly had all of the "Big 5" but we didn't see any cats. Disappointed fellow-tourists would stop us and cycle through several languages before hitting on, "Have you seen de lye-on." Anyway, we saw everything else, and up-close to boot - elephants, giraffes, hippos, warthogs, rhinos, zebras, wildebeast, baboons, monkeys, etc. The best moment was when we were driving down a road and it turned out the van headed our way was, in fact, an elephant, which kindly stopped and started eating dinner right next to our car. One night we drove to the nearby Sun City resort casino for dinner, mandatory arcade games, and a pretty lame 'thundering bridge'. The other we settled in for a South African style 'brai' (BBQ) at our surprisingly well appointed chalet.
HAKUNA MATATA: It's always nice to see the stars for once. Truly though, the highlight is when we got stuck in the game park late one night and, rushing to beat the gate closing, Justine turned on the James Bond driving skills, blazing her little manual transmission through hairpin turns on dirt roads with no lights on the street and the possibility of smacking into a rhino at any moment. Justine quote half-way through, "I'm not going to lie to you, I'm enjoying this immensely."
OH....AFRICA: Apparently, Chinese tourists are infamous for getting out of their cars at game parks and getting eaten by lions. Kind of like German tourists getting shot in Miami. Moreover, South African radio and TV advertisements harp on this theme, employing hilariously un-PC stereotyped Chinese voices without remorse.
WORLD CUP ATTENDANCE TIP: There's more to the host country than soccer. Take advantage of it.
JUSTINE'S ADVICE ON SOUTH AFRICA: The best time to visit South African game parks is August, after they've burnt the veld. In addition to removing the long grass from blocking your views, the burning process crowds the animals into smaller areas, which leads to more opportunities to view them all at once. And no you won't be overheated - remember, August is winter down there.
Off we drove to the Magaliesberg for a few days driving through one of the many national game reserves. (I received no end of an earful for calling them 'preserves' in that Indians don't live on Preservations.) This one is closer to Johannesburg and has the advantage of not being in a malaria zone, unlike the larger, more famous, more crowded, and better populated Kruger. This one supposedly had all of the "Big 5" but we didn't see any cats. Disappointed fellow-tourists would stop us and cycle through several languages before hitting on, "Have you seen de lye-on." Anyway, we saw everything else, and up-close to boot - elephants, giraffes, hippos, warthogs, rhinos, zebras, wildebeast, baboons, monkeys, etc. The best moment was when we were driving down a road and it turned out the van headed our way was, in fact, an elephant, which kindly stopped and started eating dinner right next to our car. One night we drove to the nearby Sun City resort casino for dinner, mandatory arcade games, and a pretty lame 'thundering bridge'. The other we settled in for a South African style 'brai' (BBQ) at our surprisingly well appointed chalet.
HAKUNA MATATA: It's always nice to see the stars for once. Truly though, the highlight is when we got stuck in the game park late one night and, rushing to beat the gate closing, Justine turned on the James Bond driving skills, blazing her little manual transmission through hairpin turns on dirt roads with no lights on the street and the possibility of smacking into a rhino at any moment. Justine quote half-way through, "I'm not going to lie to you, I'm enjoying this immensely."
OH....AFRICA: Apparently, Chinese tourists are infamous for getting out of their cars at game parks and getting eaten by lions. Kind of like German tourists getting shot in Miami. Moreover, South African radio and TV advertisements harp on this theme, employing hilariously un-PC stereotyped Chinese voices without remorse.
WORLD CUP ATTENDANCE TIP: There's more to the host country than soccer. Take advantage of it.
JUSTINE'S ADVICE ON SOUTH AFRICA: The best time to visit South African game parks is August, after they've burnt the veld. In addition to removing the long grass from blocking your views, the burning process crowds the animals into smaller areas, which leads to more opportunities to view them all at once. And no you won't be overheated - remember, August is winter down there.
Monday, July 05, 2010
DAY 4 SOUTH AFRICA TRIP:
Off we went to Tswaing crater for a brisk hike. The ride through the townships continues the pattern - remarkable poverty, equally warm people. South Africa is sitting on an untapped gold mine of cute kids. Following the hike, we drove into Pretoria to breeze through the imposing government buildings and monuments along with an old square modelled on Trafalgar. The government buildings were bustling with world cup tourists, our favorites being the Cameroonian couple that insisted on taking pictures with us...and perhaps got a bit overly familiar in a physical sense with each of us in the process. Oh well - maybe holding hands is customary in their country?
OH...AFRICA: From there, we drove to the Voortrekker memorial, a well-conceived edifice, though poor Justine was terrified by the heights. It tells the story of the Great Trek, and it seems it was a rough go of it for the Boers. One exhibit featured a child's toy designed to look like oxen lashed to a cart, all hewed from an ox's vertebrae.
HAKUNA MATATA: Back to jo-burg, we stopped at a popular mall flooded with World Cup fans having a chant off - Chile and Brazil are out in force. Then we went to an interactive drumming show - this show basically rocked, and I kind of felt sorry for the performers that they didn't have more of an audience. Anyway, it's fun to bang on a drum. Then we walked around Montecasino and grabbed a late dinner before turning in.
WORLD CUP TIP: Go to a Brazil game. Brazil fans are like Steelers fans - they are everywhere. But imagine if instead of being from Pittsburgh, they're from Rio. They travel deep with costumes and hotties. Do not start a chant-off with them - they will win. So I imagine the games are out of control. 2014 is in Brazil - that place is going to be rocking. I can't imagine anyone else winning in that environment.
JUSTINE'S TIPS ON SOUTH AFRICA: It's said that Afrikaners and black South Africans work better than the English descendants with either - regardless of their differences, Afrikaners and blacks both see South Africa as their home, while many of the English still like to think they're part of the Commonwealth. Additional knowledge - many Afrikaners have to be told to wear shoes, and there is a common stereotype of poorer Afrikaners being shoeless and uncouth. Watch out while rooting for the Dutch as well - a drunk Afrikaner is called a Dutchman.
Off we went to Tswaing crater for a brisk hike. The ride through the townships continues the pattern - remarkable poverty, equally warm people. South Africa is sitting on an untapped gold mine of cute kids. Following the hike, we drove into Pretoria to breeze through the imposing government buildings and monuments along with an old square modelled on Trafalgar. The government buildings were bustling with world cup tourists, our favorites being the Cameroonian couple that insisted on taking pictures with us...and perhaps got a bit overly familiar in a physical sense with each of us in the process. Oh well - maybe holding hands is customary in their country?
OH...AFRICA: From there, we drove to the Voortrekker memorial, a well-conceived edifice, though poor Justine was terrified by the heights. It tells the story of the Great Trek, and it seems it was a rough go of it for the Boers. One exhibit featured a child's toy designed to look like oxen lashed to a cart, all hewed from an ox's vertebrae.
HAKUNA MATATA: Back to jo-burg, we stopped at a popular mall flooded with World Cup fans having a chant off - Chile and Brazil are out in force. Then we went to an interactive drumming show - this show basically rocked, and I kind of felt sorry for the performers that they didn't have more of an audience. Anyway, it's fun to bang on a drum. Then we walked around Montecasino and grabbed a late dinner before turning in.
WORLD CUP TIP: Go to a Brazil game. Brazil fans are like Steelers fans - they are everywhere. But imagine if instead of being from Pittsburgh, they're from Rio. They travel deep with costumes and hotties. Do not start a chant-off with them - they will win. So I imagine the games are out of control. 2014 is in Brazil - that place is going to be rocking. I can't imagine anyone else winning in that environment.
JUSTINE'S TIPS ON SOUTH AFRICA: It's said that Afrikaners and black South Africans work better than the English descendants with either - regardless of their differences, Afrikaners and blacks both see South Africa as their home, while many of the English still like to think they're part of the Commonwealth. Additional knowledge - many Afrikaners have to be told to wear shoes, and there is a common stereotype of poorer Afrikaners being shoeless and uncouth. Watch out while rooting for the Dutch as well - a drunk Afrikaner is called a Dutchman.
Sunday, July 04, 2010
SOUTH AFRICA TRIP: DAY 3 - JOZI TOURISM
Justine put together a vigorous schedule. We started off at the old gold mine around which Johannesburg is built. The city has heaping piles of the rock that was taken out of the ground lying all around its environs. It's difficult to fathom how deep into the earth they went - we went down several levels, but there was an order of magnitude further into the rock that the old mine went (it's filled with water now). At the end of the tour, they show you the smelting process. I think the mine tour was definitely arranged before all of the inflation-induced gold speculation began because they let you hold and take pictures with a gold bar which is now worth around $450,000.
HAKUNA MATATA: From there, close-by, is the sobering apartheid museum, which is on the level of the Holocaust museum in its effectiveness. Much of the experience is a deserving hagiography of nelson Mandela. Churchill, speaking on the first half of the 20th century, remarked that Kemal Mustafa, Ataturk, was the century's greatest leader. But Churchill could not have known what the second half of the century would bring...Mandela. I search in vain for some clue as to the life event that fathered this statesmanship. I must conclude that, while some are born great, others become great, and some have greatness thrust upon them, in this case, all three are true. The world would be better off if all of the iconic Che merchandise marketed for teenage rebellion and an archaic populism, instead bore Mandela's image - a symbol of true defiance, but also humility and ultimately mercy. An evolutionary figure rather than a revolutionary, in love with the possibilities of the future, not the jealousies of the past. We followed with trips to SOWETO, Mandela's home, a museum to the student riots, and finally the gorgeously graffitied decomissioned power plant. This was a perfect cap to the day - everyone in SOWETO was in a festive mood, Zulu gumboot dancers dancing with a gaggle of Dutch fans in their creamcicle wigs.
OH AFRICA: the apartheid museum gift shop is sparse, foregoing sales of the posters of moving images from the years of conflict and colorful anti-apartheid signs for a tame book shop. Most bizarrely are prominently featured t-shirts and mugs that read "WHITES ONLY". Who would buy such a thing? Who has the temerity to hand the black cashier this item for purchase? Bizarre.
WORLD CUP TIP: If it's a winter cup, DO NOT GO TO NIGHT GAMES, especially in a dreary plateau city like Rustenburg. The US vs. England game looked unbearable. That's a day of driving to see nothing and to freeze. Stick to day games and warmer climes. I'm convinced the weather is behind the weaker showings by traditional Mediterranean powers like Italy and France - their fans didn't show, and their players are soft and prefer a temperate climate.
JUSTINE'S TIPS ON SOUTH AFRICA: The townships are rough. Ads on the overpasses are all for abortions, HIV testing, and funerary services. Fresh graves are dug daily in the fields abutting them. Shanty fires are rampant in the endless rows of scrap metal stitched homes. And if anyone tells you to show up in hillbrow at midnight in your WHITES ONLY t-shirt, it's either a joke or a death sentence - Hillbrow is a drug and prostitution den run by Nigerian gangsters. District 9 was banned in Nigeria for its insensitive depiction of just such a gangster but South Africans think it was accurate. Unfortunately, it's believed in South Africa thaat the US's own hip hop-led celebration of the inner city gang culture has kindled similarly warped dreams among south african youths. My own experience was that everyone was in a generous mood. Still, KEEP SMALL CHANGE HANDY TO TIP THE UBIQUITOUS PARKING ATTENDANTS...and rent a car no one would think to steal in the first place.
Justine put together a vigorous schedule. We started off at the old gold mine around which Johannesburg is built. The city has heaping piles of the rock that was taken out of the ground lying all around its environs. It's difficult to fathom how deep into the earth they went - we went down several levels, but there was an order of magnitude further into the rock that the old mine went (it's filled with water now). At the end of the tour, they show you the smelting process. I think the mine tour was definitely arranged before all of the inflation-induced gold speculation began because they let you hold and take pictures with a gold bar which is now worth around $450,000.
HAKUNA MATATA: From there, close-by, is the sobering apartheid museum, which is on the level of the Holocaust museum in its effectiveness. Much of the experience is a deserving hagiography of nelson Mandela. Churchill, speaking on the first half of the 20th century, remarked that Kemal Mustafa, Ataturk, was the century's greatest leader. But Churchill could not have known what the second half of the century would bring...Mandela. I search in vain for some clue as to the life event that fathered this statesmanship. I must conclude that, while some are born great, others become great, and some have greatness thrust upon them, in this case, all three are true. The world would be better off if all of the iconic Che merchandise marketed for teenage rebellion and an archaic populism, instead bore Mandela's image - a symbol of true defiance, but also humility and ultimately mercy. An evolutionary figure rather than a revolutionary, in love with the possibilities of the future, not the jealousies of the past. We followed with trips to SOWETO, Mandela's home, a museum to the student riots, and finally the gorgeously graffitied decomissioned power plant. This was a perfect cap to the day - everyone in SOWETO was in a festive mood, Zulu gumboot dancers dancing with a gaggle of Dutch fans in their creamcicle wigs.
OH AFRICA: the apartheid museum gift shop is sparse, foregoing sales of the posters of moving images from the years of conflict and colorful anti-apartheid signs for a tame book shop. Most bizarrely are prominently featured t-shirts and mugs that read "WHITES ONLY". Who would buy such a thing? Who has the temerity to hand the black cashier this item for purchase? Bizarre.
WORLD CUP TIP: If it's a winter cup, DO NOT GO TO NIGHT GAMES, especially in a dreary plateau city like Rustenburg. The US vs. England game looked unbearable. That's a day of driving to see nothing and to freeze. Stick to day games and warmer climes. I'm convinced the weather is behind the weaker showings by traditional Mediterranean powers like Italy and France - their fans didn't show, and their players are soft and prefer a temperate climate.
JUSTINE'S TIPS ON SOUTH AFRICA: The townships are rough. Ads on the overpasses are all for abortions, HIV testing, and funerary services. Fresh graves are dug daily in the fields abutting them. Shanty fires are rampant in the endless rows of scrap metal stitched homes. And if anyone tells you to show up in hillbrow at midnight in your WHITES ONLY t-shirt, it's either a joke or a death sentence - Hillbrow is a drug and prostitution den run by Nigerian gangsters. District 9 was banned in Nigeria for its insensitive depiction of just such a gangster but South Africans think it was accurate. Unfortunately, it's believed in South Africa thaat the US's own hip hop-led celebration of the inner city gang culture has kindled similarly warped dreams among south african youths. My own experience was that everyone was in a generous mood. Still, KEEP SMALL CHANGE HANDY TO TIP THE UBIQUITOUS PARKING ATTENDANTS...and rent a car no one would think to steal in the first place.
Saturday, July 03, 2010
SOUTH AFRICA TRIP DAY #2
Picked up at the airport by my generous hostess, Justine, we drove to her family home to drop off my bags. the airport was full of Brazilians and vuvuzela noise. The infrastructure in the country is quite good and the country quite clean. The golden hills remind me of LA. The freeway is lined with flags of all of the competitor countries hung on poles that went up days before today's opening match. The streets are also lined with men selling flags and vuvuzelas.
We drove downtown for a tour through a pleasant museum on the history of South African beer, including a lesson on sorghum beer drinking from a traditional drinking bowl off of which the massive Soccer City stadium that would host the game later is modeled. Our tour was led by a pleasant woman who begged out of drinking with us because she was pregnant.
HAKUNA MATATA: Then we went on to the highlight of the day - traditional Afrikaaner South African food and the opening match. The game was exciting, the local Bafana Bafana (Zulu for boys) squad nearly pulling off a huge upset against the Mexicans, who had a large fan contingent. Had some fun playing soccer at halftime with the local kids.
In South Africa, rugby is the white sport and soccer the black sport. Just as the legendary In Victus Sprinbok victory over the New Zealand All Blacks was envisioned as a transformative event in the country's racial history, so has support of Bafana Bafana been seen as a reciprocal effort to engage both the English and Afrikans community in the majority of the country's sporting passion. Though expectations for the team are obviously lower, the effort was a success - support amongst the people I watched the game with was high, and the team's fortune was the talk of the nation. Similarly, the event is meant not only to deliver a message that Africa has earned a respected place in the family of nations, but also within Africa, to hold up South Africa as a place searching for a sturdy multi-racial society amidst a continent whose ethnic disputes have rent apart its many fragile states.
OH....AFRICA: On to all anyone really cares about - the vuvuzelas. Obnoxious on TV, as I'll explain later, they add enormously to the spectator experience live. More to the point, they truly are everywhere - at the airport, as an alarm clock, walking down the road. To me, they are this World Cup's refrain...a running joke. At any quiet moment, suddenly a vuvuzela. In any social situation, vuvuzela. Always gets a laugh out of me. The price has inflated 10 times over. Already banned from Wimbledon. I saw Prince Harry on TV without one. Pity...I hope Biden or Clinton got one.
TIP ON WORLD CUP ATTENDANCE: Attend a host country game. I can't imagine how incredible the atmosphere must have been at the stadium, but it was fun enough just watching it with them on TV.
JUSTINE'S TIPS ON SOUTH AFRICA: The blacks have a series of hand signals for the routeless roving mini-buses that communicate which part of town they wish to go so that the mini-bus driver can figure out whether to pick them up or not. MAKE NO ATTEMPT TO LEARN THEM. You're more likely to inadvertently sign a grave insult. No need to get stabbed for accidentally telling the "SOULJAH" mini-bus driver that his "balls are hanging".
Picked up at the airport by my generous hostess, Justine, we drove to her family home to drop off my bags. the airport was full of Brazilians and vuvuzela noise. The infrastructure in the country is quite good and the country quite clean. The golden hills remind me of LA. The freeway is lined with flags of all of the competitor countries hung on poles that went up days before today's opening match. The streets are also lined with men selling flags and vuvuzelas.
We drove downtown for a tour through a pleasant museum on the history of South African beer, including a lesson on sorghum beer drinking from a traditional drinking bowl off of which the massive Soccer City stadium that would host the game later is modeled. Our tour was led by a pleasant woman who begged out of drinking with us because she was pregnant.
HAKUNA MATATA: Then we went on to the highlight of the day - traditional Afrikaaner South African food and the opening match. The game was exciting, the local Bafana Bafana (Zulu for boys) squad nearly pulling off a huge upset against the Mexicans, who had a large fan contingent. Had some fun playing soccer at halftime with the local kids.
In South Africa, rugby is the white sport and soccer the black sport. Just as the legendary In Victus Sprinbok victory over the New Zealand All Blacks was envisioned as a transformative event in the country's racial history, so has support of Bafana Bafana been seen as a reciprocal effort to engage both the English and Afrikans community in the majority of the country's sporting passion. Though expectations for the team are obviously lower, the effort was a success - support amongst the people I watched the game with was high, and the team's fortune was the talk of the nation. Similarly, the event is meant not only to deliver a message that Africa has earned a respected place in the family of nations, but also within Africa, to hold up South Africa as a place searching for a sturdy multi-racial society amidst a continent whose ethnic disputes have rent apart its many fragile states.
OH....AFRICA: On to all anyone really cares about - the vuvuzelas. Obnoxious on TV, as I'll explain later, they add enormously to the spectator experience live. More to the point, they truly are everywhere - at the airport, as an alarm clock, walking down the road. To me, they are this World Cup's refrain...a running joke. At any quiet moment, suddenly a vuvuzela. In any social situation, vuvuzela. Always gets a laugh out of me. The price has inflated 10 times over. Already banned from Wimbledon. I saw Prince Harry on TV without one. Pity...I hope Biden or Clinton got one.
TIP ON WORLD CUP ATTENDANCE: Attend a host country game. I can't imagine how incredible the atmosphere must have been at the stadium, but it was fun enough just watching it with them on TV.
JUSTINE'S TIPS ON SOUTH AFRICA: The blacks have a series of hand signals for the routeless roving mini-buses that communicate which part of town they wish to go so that the mini-bus driver can figure out whether to pick them up or not. MAKE NO ATTEMPT TO LEARN THEM. You're more likely to inadvertently sign a grave insult. No need to get stabbed for accidentally telling the "SOULJAH" mini-bus driver that his "balls are hanging".
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
South Africa Journal: Day 1
I've been remiss in typing up my notes about my spectacular vacation in South Africa.
First of all, I know what you're thinking, and the answer is yes, I did sing Hakuna Matata all over the country. I also did my best Homer Simpson to wryly comment, "Oh...Africa," as often as possible. Anyway, I plan to share the Hakuna Matata moments, Oh Africa moments, advice on attending a world cup, and insights from my lovely travel companion Justine on South Africa.
Without further ado...THURSDAY JUNE 10
I flew from DC to JFK...which is a 3rd world airport and a national embarrassment. Who runs this place? The empty duty free shops are open all day but only one food store is open with a line of almost everyone waiting for a flight? Fascinating business model. There's no info on where to pick up connecting flights and to get to the proper international terminal I have to walk through a side door located behind a temporary construction wall with no construction going on.
Then I flew to Johannesburg/Jozi/Joburg. On my flight, everyone was watching an episode of Lie to Me. I love this show's concept: Basically a good actor stares down C Listers and analyzes their bad acting. Magically this is woven into the plot. Each exchange ends with this gem:
Tim Roth: Thank you for your assistance
Bad Actor: But I haven't told you anything.
Tim Roth: BUT YOU'VE TOLD ME EVERYTHING!
HAKUNA MATATA: I had one of those classic only-in-America moments in JFK that makes me love my country more than The Dirty Dozen on Memorial Day. Seated at the gate to fly to South Africa were: 3 Argentinian brothers in soccer jumpsuits like the Royal Tenenbaums, a Hasidic Jew wearing crocs and, I swear to God, humping the air at random occasions as a nervous tic, the WASPiest 20-something to ever wrinkly khakis proudly wearing his Onyewu jersey (for the soccer illiterate, Onyewu is the biggest, blackest guy on the US team), a guy in a NASCAR hat and a t-shirt of Arnold Schwarzennegar smoking marijuana, a guitar-wiedling granola girl doing taichi at the airport window, the only guy in America who owns an MLS shirt happy to be rleevant for a month because he knows why Freddy Adu isn't on the squad, and then a horde of Mexicans. And finally, my aisle neighbor on the plane - a young black kid whose only carry-on for the 14 hour flight was an i-pod and two drumsticks.
This is why I love America most - not the republic, not some vision of what it once was or what it might be. All these are noble, but I love it most for what it is, because these people are home.
OH, AFRICA: Customs involved me walking under a sign that read customs. That is all.
TIP ON WORLD CUP ATTENDANCE: Traveler's checks are an anachronism.
JUSTINE'S ADVICE ON SOUTH AFRICA: Leave your expensive laptop at home. Whether it gets stolen or not, there are internet usage limits.
I've been remiss in typing up my notes about my spectacular vacation in South Africa.
First of all, I know what you're thinking, and the answer is yes, I did sing Hakuna Matata all over the country. I also did my best Homer Simpson to wryly comment, "Oh...Africa," as often as possible. Anyway, I plan to share the Hakuna Matata moments, Oh Africa moments, advice on attending a world cup, and insights from my lovely travel companion Justine on South Africa.
Without further ado...THURSDAY JUNE 10
I flew from DC to JFK...which is a 3rd world airport and a national embarrassment. Who runs this place? The empty duty free shops are open all day but only one food store is open with a line of almost everyone waiting for a flight? Fascinating business model. There's no info on where to pick up connecting flights and to get to the proper international terminal I have to walk through a side door located behind a temporary construction wall with no construction going on.
Then I flew to Johannesburg/Jozi/Joburg. On my flight, everyone was watching an episode of Lie to Me. I love this show's concept: Basically a good actor stares down C Listers and analyzes their bad acting. Magically this is woven into the plot. Each exchange ends with this gem:
Tim Roth: Thank you for your assistance
Bad Actor: But I haven't told you anything.
Tim Roth: BUT YOU'VE TOLD ME EVERYTHING!
HAKUNA MATATA: I had one of those classic only-in-America moments in JFK that makes me love my country more than The Dirty Dozen on Memorial Day. Seated at the gate to fly to South Africa were: 3 Argentinian brothers in soccer jumpsuits like the Royal Tenenbaums, a Hasidic Jew wearing crocs and, I swear to God, humping the air at random occasions as a nervous tic, the WASPiest 20-something to ever wrinkly khakis proudly wearing his Onyewu jersey (for the soccer illiterate, Onyewu is the biggest, blackest guy on the US team), a guy in a NASCAR hat and a t-shirt of Arnold Schwarzennegar smoking marijuana, a guitar-wiedling granola girl doing taichi at the airport window, the only guy in America who owns an MLS shirt happy to be rleevant for a month because he knows why Freddy Adu isn't on the squad, and then a horde of Mexicans. And finally, my aisle neighbor on the plane - a young black kid whose only carry-on for the 14 hour flight was an i-pod and two drumsticks.
This is why I love America most - not the republic, not some vision of what it once was or what it might be. All these are noble, but I love it most for what it is, because these people are home.
OH, AFRICA: Customs involved me walking under a sign that read customs. That is all.
TIP ON WORLD CUP ATTENDANCE: Traveler's checks are an anachronism.
JUSTINE'S ADVICE ON SOUTH AFRICA: Leave your expensive laptop at home. Whether it gets stolen or not, there are internet usage limits.
Saturday, April 03, 2010
Me vs. Amtrak...The Saga In Summary
Below is a series of e-mails I have exchanged with Amtrak's customer service. What will happen next? Wait for the next episode.
My original message:
Message:
(Late January - Greater DC Area)
Dear Amtrak I am a long-time but soon to be ex-customer. This past weekend, due to frequent Amtrak delays on my trains from Washington DC to New York, I decided to take a bus. However, to get to the bus-stop, I took the local regional MARC train. My MARC train was delayed 30-minutes because the Amtrak train in front of it broke down. Because your train broke down, when I reached Union Station in DC, I had to buy an Amtrak train ticket to get to New York because my bus had already departed. Being the reasonable fellow that I am, I went to Amtrak customer service and requested that you at least discount the modest price of my bus ticket ($25) from the price of the train to New York ($139) that I was forced to take because your train broke down. YOUR AMTRAK CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT TOLD ME MY REQUEST WAS FAIR but that I would have to call an authorized customer service supervisor on your phone line. I did this, and the authorized agent RENEGED on my verbal agreement with your station customer service agent, saying BECAUSE THE TRAIN I WAS ON THAT WAS DELAYED WAS NOT AMTRAK'S, EVEN THOUGH AMTRAK CAUSED THE DELAY, THAT I WAS NOT ELIGIBLE FOR SUCH A REFUND. Let me explain to you why this is a bad business decision by you. You take on negligible variable cost in letting me on your train versus not letting me on. However, because of the shabby treatment, I am unlikely to ever use Amtrak again for my frequent DC to NY trips. This represents a considerable net loss to you, Amtrak. Since you refused my more than reasonable request for a small discount at the point of sale for my trouble, the price to retain my business has gone up and is now a full refund of the ticket price - $139. My reservation # is (withheld). I look forward to a timely resolution of this matter.
AMTRAK'S RESPONSE - FEBRUARY 1:
Dear Customer,
Thank you for contacting Amtrak. We respond to online inquiries 7 days a week between the hours of 8 am and 11 pm (ET). You can expect a response to your inquiry within the next 24 hours.
Please do not reply to this message.
Sincerely,
Amtrak Customer Service
COMMENT: One might think this would lead to a speedy resolution. 24 hour turnaround...well, what did I receive from Amtrak within 24 hours? The following.
Thank you for contacting us.
We have forwarded your e-mail to our Customer Relations Department. They will contact you as soon as possible in the order that the e-mail was received.
Due to a higher than normal volume, it may take up to eight weeks to receive a response to your e-mail. Please be assured your inquiry will be addressed as soon as possible.
If you prefer, you can contact them through our toll free number, 1-800-USA-RAIL (1-800-872-7245). Select the number '0' immediately to avoid the automated information menu, and an agent will transfer your call. The Customer Relations Department is staffed Monday through Friday between 7am -10pm (ET).
Thank you,
Sincerely,
William
Amtrak Customer Service
COMMENT: 8-weeks to reply to an e-mail? Surely they are just setting the bar low so that they can deliver earlier than that. There's no way it takes 8 WEEKS to respond to an e-mail. It's not like their customer relations department is lost in the Brazilian hinterland looking for El Dorado. Many animals have gestation periods shorter than 8 weeks. Nonetheless, here it is, April 3, and Amtrak still hasn't gotten back to me. So here was my response today:
Dear Amtrak "Customer Service"
As you will see, it has now been more than 8 weeks since I contacted you and politely requested just compensation in line with the promises made by your customer service agent. I believe that 8 weeks is more than sufficient for you to make a determination about my request...it it is enough time to decide the national collegiate basketball champion, certainly it is enough time to read an e-mail and submit a refund.
Since making my request, there have already been 3 occasions on which I would have taken Amtrak, but instead took alternate means of transportation because you have not resolved this incident. In other words, you have already lost money thanks to your inability to handle this simple request.
I am willing to wait another 2 weeks. If this matter is not resolved at the end of that time, my asking price will go up, and I will be forced, against my will, to start a facebook group dedicated to Amtrak's poor service that I will only take down when I am justly compensated for my trouble.
I already got their automated, "We'll respond in 24 hours" email again. What will they really say? We'll find out soon.
Below is a series of e-mails I have exchanged with Amtrak's customer service. What will happen next? Wait for the next episode.
My original message:
Message:
(Late January - Greater DC Area)
Dear Amtrak I am a long-time but soon to be ex-customer. This past weekend, due to frequent Amtrak delays on my trains from Washington DC to New York, I decided to take a bus. However, to get to the bus-stop, I took the local regional MARC train. My MARC train was delayed 30-minutes because the Amtrak train in front of it broke down. Because your train broke down, when I reached Union Station in DC, I had to buy an Amtrak train ticket to get to New York because my bus had already departed. Being the reasonable fellow that I am, I went to Amtrak customer service and requested that you at least discount the modest price of my bus ticket ($25) from the price of the train to New York ($139) that I was forced to take because your train broke down. YOUR AMTRAK CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT TOLD ME MY REQUEST WAS FAIR but that I would have to call an authorized customer service supervisor on your phone line. I did this, and the authorized agent RENEGED on my verbal agreement with your station customer service agent, saying BECAUSE THE TRAIN I WAS ON THAT WAS DELAYED WAS NOT AMTRAK'S, EVEN THOUGH AMTRAK CAUSED THE DELAY, THAT I WAS NOT ELIGIBLE FOR SUCH A REFUND. Let me explain to you why this is a bad business decision by you. You take on negligible variable cost in letting me on your train versus not letting me on. However, because of the shabby treatment, I am unlikely to ever use Amtrak again for my frequent DC to NY trips. This represents a considerable net loss to you, Amtrak. Since you refused my more than reasonable request for a small discount at the point of sale for my trouble, the price to retain my business has gone up and is now a full refund of the ticket price - $139. My reservation # is (withheld). I look forward to a timely resolution of this matter.
AMTRAK'S RESPONSE - FEBRUARY 1:
Dear Customer,
Thank you for contacting Amtrak. We respond to online inquiries 7 days a week between the hours of 8 am and 11 pm (ET). You can expect a response to your inquiry within the next 24 hours.
Please do not reply to this message.
Sincerely,
Amtrak Customer Service
COMMENT: One might think this would lead to a speedy resolution. 24 hour turnaround...well, what did I receive from Amtrak within 24 hours? The following.
Thank you for contacting us.
We have forwarded your e-mail to our Customer Relations Department. They will contact you as soon as possible in the order that the e-mail was received.
Due to a higher than normal volume, it may take up to eight weeks to receive a response to your e-mail. Please be assured your inquiry will be addressed as soon as possible.
If you prefer, you can contact them through our toll free number, 1-800-USA-RAIL (1-800-872-7245). Select the number '0' immediately to avoid the automated information menu, and an agent will transfer your call. The Customer Relations Department is staffed Monday through Friday between 7am -10pm (ET).
Thank you,
Sincerely,
William
Amtrak Customer Service
COMMENT: 8-weeks to reply to an e-mail? Surely they are just setting the bar low so that they can deliver earlier than that. There's no way it takes 8 WEEKS to respond to an e-mail. It's not like their customer relations department is lost in the Brazilian hinterland looking for El Dorado. Many animals have gestation periods shorter than 8 weeks. Nonetheless, here it is, April 3, and Amtrak still hasn't gotten back to me. So here was my response today:
Dear Amtrak "Customer Service"
As you will see, it has now been more than 8 weeks since I contacted you and politely requested just compensation in line with the promises made by your customer service agent. I believe that 8 weeks is more than sufficient for you to make a determination about my request...it it is enough time to decide the national collegiate basketball champion, certainly it is enough time to read an e-mail and submit a refund.
Since making my request, there have already been 3 occasions on which I would have taken Amtrak, but instead took alternate means of transportation because you have not resolved this incident. In other words, you have already lost money thanks to your inability to handle this simple request.
I am willing to wait another 2 weeks. If this matter is not resolved at the end of that time, my asking price will go up, and I will be forced, against my will, to start a facebook group dedicated to Amtrak's poor service that I will only take down when I am justly compensated for my trouble.
I already got their automated, "We'll respond in 24 hours" email again. What will they really say? We'll find out soon.
Sunday, March 07, 2010
Monday, March 01, 2010
Best Picture:
- Avatar - Blue Pocahontas Dances With Trees in Jaw-Dropping 3-D
- The Blind Side – Hollywood expanded to 10 nominees so that everyone’s heart-warming, not-so-limousine-liberal movie would get nominated…just so it hurts more, Middle America, when it loses! HAHA! You boosted our ratings, citizens of Des Moines, just so we could party while we crushed your humble dreams. Muahahahahah.
- District 9 – Nice enough race drama sci-fi thing. I always like it when they leave a cliff-hanger when they’re not really planning a sequel. (Note to Peter Jackson - don't make a sequel.)
- An Education – I’m curious if this makes the cut in the old format. Then we’d have a serious problem. If you had to pick an indie-rom-com, why not something more accessible and entertaining like 500 Days of Summer?
- The Hurt Locker – Finally a decent Iraq-war movie
- Inglorious Basterds – Jew-porn. OK, everybody porn. Tarantino’s best.
- Precious – The soulful™ Oprah, in movie semi-documentary format. Tyra Banks’ Semi-Precious to hit theaters Fall 2014.
- A Serious Man – Intellectual Jewish-guilt porn plus my favorite Jefferson Airplane Song (Today)
- Up – Pixar made a movie…actually, it made its best movie.
- Up in the Air – George Clooney made a movie, and it was timely and addresses the situation. Not THE Situation. But that other situation, the one with the 10-20% unemployment.
WILL WIN: Up in the Air. Clooney’s been circling it but I think this is his year
SHOULD WIN: A Serious Man. This one’s really tough for me. It’s not my favorite movie of the year, but it is the most intellectually stimulating, and it’s close to my favorite movie of the year. There are a lot of movies with an earnest claim on this one. I’d really only look askance on District 9, An Education, Hurt Locker, or Precious. And I liked two of those movies.
- Avatar - Blue Pocahontas Dances With Trees in Jaw-Dropping 3-D
- The Blind Side – Hollywood expanded to 10 nominees so that everyone’s heart-warming, not-so-limousine-liberal movie would get nominated…just so it hurts more, Middle America, when it loses! HAHA! You boosted our ratings, citizens of Des Moines, just so we could party while we crushed your humble dreams. Muahahahahah.
- District 9 – Nice enough race drama sci-fi thing. I always like it when they leave a cliff-hanger when they’re not really planning a sequel. (Note to Peter Jackson - don't make a sequel.)
- An Education – I’m curious if this makes the cut in the old format. Then we’d have a serious problem. If you had to pick an indie-rom-com, why not something more accessible and entertaining like 500 Days of Summer?
- The Hurt Locker – Finally a decent Iraq-war movie
- Inglorious Basterds – Jew-porn. OK, everybody porn. Tarantino’s best.
- Precious – The soulful™ Oprah, in movie semi-documentary format. Tyra Banks’ Semi-Precious to hit theaters Fall 2014.
- A Serious Man – Intellectual Jewish-guilt porn plus my favorite Jefferson Airplane Song (Today)
- Up – Pixar made a movie…actually, it made its best movie.
- Up in the Air – George Clooney made a movie, and it was timely and addresses the situation. Not THE Situation. But that other situation, the one with the 10-20% unemployment.
WILL WIN: Up in the Air. Clooney’s been circling it but I think this is his year
SHOULD WIN: A Serious Man. This one’s really tough for me. It’s not my favorite movie of the year, but it is the most intellectually stimulating, and it’s close to my favorite movie of the year. There are a lot of movies with an earnest claim on this one. I’d really only look askance on District 9, An Education, Hurt Locker, or Precious. And I liked two of those movies.
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