TOP GROSSING
1. Titanic
2. The Lost World: Jurassic Park
3. Men in Black
4. Tomorrow Never Dies
5. Air Force One
6. As Good as It Gets
7. Liar Liar
8. My Best Friend’s Wedding
9. The Fifth Element
10. The Full Monty
Oscars Winners
BEST PICTURE NOMINEES: Titanic, As Good as It Gets, The Full Monty, Good Will Hunting, L.A. Confidential
Best Picture: Titanic - 20th Century Fox, Lightstorm Entertainment, Paramount Pictures
Best Director: James Cameron - Titanic
Best Actor: Jack Nicholson - As Good as It Gets
Best Actress: Helen Hunt - As Good as It Gets
Best Supporting Actor: Robin Williams - Good Will Hunting
Best Supporting Actress: Kim Basinger - L.A. Confidential
TOP 10:
1. LA Confidential
2. Liar Liar
3. Donnie Brasco
4. Austin Powers
5. Good Will Hunting
6. Starship Troopers
7. Men In Black
8. The Full Monty
9. Face/Off
10. Con Air
(Honorable Mention) As Good As It Gets
COMMENT: I was tempted to put in the re-release of The Empire Strikes Back because that is not a strong top 10. True story: the guy sitting in front of me hummed the entire soundtrack and cried when Han Solo was frozen.
MOST INFLUENTIAL: None. Titanic sank everything else.
MOST OVERRATED: Titanic. Honestly, did anyone see this movie a second time? Does anyone watch the DVD version? Yes, it’s a technical achievement to rebuild the thing. No, it’s not an entertaining movie. I think this was the movie where I realized what a “Larry” was…as we were walking out, some dad said to his son, “The important thing is…he never let go.” I wonder how long it took that kid to figure out his dad was a weiner.
MOST OVERRATED (INDY VERSION): Chasing Amy. I did see this Kevin Smith movie. It’s not that good. Deal with it.
MOVIE THAT BEST TYPIFIES THE 90’S: Chasing Amy.
MOVIE THAT I WISH COULD ONLY HAPPEN IN THE 90’S: Spice World
STEVE…STEVE…PLEASE GET OVER YOURSELF: Amistad
YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DO AMISTAD AND FARM YOUR MONEY MOVIE OUT TO THE INTERNS: The Lost World: Jurassic Park.
MOVIES THAT SEEMED LIKE A BIG DEAL AT THE TIME: The Saint, Rocketman, Face/Off. I loved Face/Off as a teen. I tried rewatching it recently and realized it was a B movie. Who knew?
MOVIES THAT HAVE AGED WELL: I knew Starship Troopers was a B movie at the time. If you watch it again, you find a surprisingly entertaining movie. Plus it opened the door for Neil Patrick Harris’s turn in How I Met Your Mother.
MOVIE I VAGUELY RECALL LIKING BUT CAN’T BE SURE OF: Suicide Kings
PASSABLE ROMANTIC COMEDY OF THE YEAR: As Good As It Gets
IT SEEMS LIKE WE’RE DONE HERE: Batman & Robin. Both Arnold and Batman get put on time out. Chris O’Donnell had a career by the way. You might have missed that otherwise.
YES, WE ARE DONE HERE: Kevin Costner in The Postman.
DEVASTATING CASTING: Chris Tucker in the Fifth Element. Everything up to that point was shaping up to be a great film. Then the director asked the Dumb and Dumber question, “Want to hear the most annoying sound in the world?” and answered with Chris Tucker’s character.
I’M JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU: Grosse Pointe Blank, Gattaca
WHY DON’T YOU BE MORE FUNNY?: Beverly Hills Ninja.
WORST DECISION: Capitalizing on the popularity of South Park, Orgazmo gets made?
MOVIE YOU FORGOT HAPPENED: Tomorrow Never Dies. Between the reintroduction of Bond and the awful invisible car, they made that one with Michelle Yeow. It certainly slipped my mind.
MOVIES I SHOULD HAVE SEEN: Boogie Nights, Seven Years in Tibet, Spawn
BEST SEQUEL: Scream 2
WORST SEQUELS: Jurassic Park 2, Speed 2: Cruise Control. If Keanu Reeves won’t sign-on post A Walk in the Clouds and Johnny Mnemonic, chances are that there are script problems.
FAVORITE MOMENT: The pandas at the Fierce Creatures zoo are out of order.
FAVORITE LINE: “This is nothing,” Wag the Dog.
BEST INADVERTENT PORN TITLES: All Over Me, Double Team (Starring Jean-Claude Van Damme AND Dennis Rodman no less), Excess Baggage, In & Out, Love Jones
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
1996 - A New Dawn
Top Grossing
1. Independence Day
2. Twister
3. Mission: Impossible
4. Jerry Maguire
5. Ransom
6. 101 Dalmatians
7. The Rock
8. The Nutty Professor
9. The Birdcage
10. A Time to Kill
WHAT WERE WE THINKING AWARD: The Birdcage. Inexplicable.
ACADEMY AWARDS
BEST PICTURE NOMINEE: The English Patient, Fargo, Jerry Maguire, Secrets & Lies, Shine
Best Picture: The English Patient
Best Director: Anthony Minghella - The English Patient
Best Actor: Geoffrey Rush - Shine
Best Actress: Frances McDormand - Fargo
Best Supporting Actor: Cuba Gooding Jr. - Jerry Maguire
Best Supporting Actress: Juliette Binoche - The English Patient
WE KNOW WHAT THEY WERE THINKING BUT STILL, WHAT WERE THEY THINKING: I liken The English Patient’s victory to the Raiders’ drafting of Jamarcus Russell #1 overall. It has the tools, it just can’t play ball. Everyone knows it is going to happen, everyone knows it is a mistake, all are powerless to stop it, none can explain it afterwards. Hollywood just can’t help itself, despite the presence of two vastly superior films (Fargo, Jerry Maguire).
DISTURBING TREND: The marketing of academy awards slots comes into full view with the despicable inclusion of Secrets & Lies AND Shine. If you’re unfamiliar, academy members get copies and get told ‘this is a piece of art’.
REAL TOP 10:
1. Jerry Maguire
2. Bottle Rocket
3. Fargo
4. Happy Gilmore
5. Scream
6. Romeo + Juliet
7. Courage Under Fire
8. Independence Day
9. The Rock
10. Evita
This wasn’t a deep year, but those are some good films. A lot of new talent fills the gap – Wes Anderson, Cameron Crowe, the Coens hit the big time, Leonardo DiCaprio and Ewan MacGregor break through.
MOST INFLUENTIAL: Scream. Tough call, Bottle Rocket’s really come on for indy-films and introducing Wes Anderson. And Independence Day and Twister created a whole new $$ game. But Scream recreated the horror genre for the next decade.
BETTER THAN YOU THINK: The Great White Hype, The Long Kiss Goodnight, Multiplicity, Space Jam. With the 90’s falling apart, these were all good movies that deserve a second look now that we can all breathe and look at things objectively. Michael Keaton should have had a better post-Batman career. That’s right, Space Jam. What of it?
MOVIE TOTALLY OUT OF PLACE OUTSIDE THE 90’S: Space Jam. Remember Jordan pre-Wizards? He was big. Like Pepsi big.
I’M JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU: Kingpin
MOVIES I THOUGHT WERE GREAT AT THE TIME: Broken Arrow
CULT HITS THAT HAVE AGED POORLY: Swingers, Trainspotting.
TITLE THAT MAKES ME WANT TO COCKPUNCH THE WRITER: Color of a Brisk and Leaping Day
WAIT, ARE WE DONE HERE?: Arnold makes Eraser…and Jingle All The Way.
PRETTY SURE WE’RE DONE HERE: Tin Cup. In Costner’s defense, this movie’s pretty good as far as Costner movies go.
MUST HAVE NEEDED THE MONEY: Marlon Brando comes out of retirement to make…The Island of Dr. Moreau?
WHY EUROPEAN DIRECTORS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE MOVIES ABOUT BASEBALL: The Fan’s climactic scene takes place in a baseball game played during a driving rain storm.
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT: Mars Attacks!
HOW DARE YOU SIR!: Muppet Treasure Island destroys two icons at once.
WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN: Cable Guy was originally slated for Chris Farley and David Spade until Jim Carey expressed interest. That would have been a different (READ: Better) movie. Instead, they make the bland Black Sheep, Farley goes off the deep end, and Jim Carey begins experimenting with drama. Things fall apart.
WORST POST-COMEBACK DECISIONS: John Travolta, cool again, makes Michael AND Phenomenon. Dude.
WORST DECISION: Demi Moore, apparently jazzed by Jessica Spano’s career crippling turn in Showgirls, decides to make Striptease. Let’s face it…she was never good.
PASSABLE ROMANTIC COMEDY: Romeo + Juliet. Good Mercutio.
WORST REMAKE OF A GOOD 80’S MOVIE: Escape From L.A.
PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE WATCHED BEFORE MAKING THIS LIST: A Time to Kill, Ransom, Waiting for Guffman
PROBABLY OK THAT I MISSED: Barbed Wire, Kazaam
BEST LINE IN A MOVIE NOT DISCUSSED ELSEWHERE: “We all thought that kid had tourette’s until Mr. (Jon Lovitz) figured out that he was a foreign exchange student.” – Tia Carrere, High School High
BEST BAD GUY: Bob Sugar (Jerry Maguire), whoever Ed Harris played in The Rock, Shooter McGavin (Happy Gilmore), John Travolta (Broken Arrow – come on, Christian Slater can beat him up?), the Martians (Mars Attacks)
BEST INADVERTENT PORN TITLES: The Nutty Professor, Larger Than Life
Top Grossing
1. Independence Day
2. Twister
3. Mission: Impossible
4. Jerry Maguire
5. Ransom
6. 101 Dalmatians
7. The Rock
8. The Nutty Professor
9. The Birdcage
10. A Time to Kill
WHAT WERE WE THINKING AWARD: The Birdcage. Inexplicable.
ACADEMY AWARDS
BEST PICTURE NOMINEE: The English Patient, Fargo, Jerry Maguire, Secrets & Lies, Shine
Best Picture: The English Patient
Best Director: Anthony Minghella - The English Patient
Best Actor: Geoffrey Rush - Shine
Best Actress: Frances McDormand - Fargo
Best Supporting Actor: Cuba Gooding Jr. - Jerry Maguire
Best Supporting Actress: Juliette Binoche - The English Patient
WE KNOW WHAT THEY WERE THINKING BUT STILL, WHAT WERE THEY THINKING: I liken The English Patient’s victory to the Raiders’ drafting of Jamarcus Russell #1 overall. It has the tools, it just can’t play ball. Everyone knows it is going to happen, everyone knows it is a mistake, all are powerless to stop it, none can explain it afterwards. Hollywood just can’t help itself, despite the presence of two vastly superior films (Fargo, Jerry Maguire).
DISTURBING TREND: The marketing of academy awards slots comes into full view with the despicable inclusion of Secrets & Lies AND Shine. If you’re unfamiliar, academy members get copies and get told ‘this is a piece of art’.
REAL TOP 10:
1. Jerry Maguire
2. Bottle Rocket
3. Fargo
4. Happy Gilmore
5. Scream
6. Romeo + Juliet
7. Courage Under Fire
8. Independence Day
9. The Rock
10. Evita
This wasn’t a deep year, but those are some good films. A lot of new talent fills the gap – Wes Anderson, Cameron Crowe, the Coens hit the big time, Leonardo DiCaprio and Ewan MacGregor break through.
MOST INFLUENTIAL: Scream. Tough call, Bottle Rocket’s really come on for indy-films and introducing Wes Anderson. And Independence Day and Twister created a whole new $$ game. But Scream recreated the horror genre for the next decade.
BETTER THAN YOU THINK: The Great White Hype, The Long Kiss Goodnight, Multiplicity, Space Jam. With the 90’s falling apart, these were all good movies that deserve a second look now that we can all breathe and look at things objectively. Michael Keaton should have had a better post-Batman career. That’s right, Space Jam. What of it?
MOVIE TOTALLY OUT OF PLACE OUTSIDE THE 90’S: Space Jam. Remember Jordan pre-Wizards? He was big. Like Pepsi big.
I’M JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU: Kingpin
MOVIES I THOUGHT WERE GREAT AT THE TIME: Broken Arrow
CULT HITS THAT HAVE AGED POORLY: Swingers, Trainspotting.
TITLE THAT MAKES ME WANT TO COCKPUNCH THE WRITER: Color of a Brisk and Leaping Day
WAIT, ARE WE DONE HERE?: Arnold makes Eraser…and Jingle All The Way.
PRETTY SURE WE’RE DONE HERE: Tin Cup. In Costner’s defense, this movie’s pretty good as far as Costner movies go.
MUST HAVE NEEDED THE MONEY: Marlon Brando comes out of retirement to make…The Island of Dr. Moreau?
WHY EUROPEAN DIRECTORS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE MOVIES ABOUT BASEBALL: The Fan’s climactic scene takes place in a baseball game played during a driving rain storm.
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT: Mars Attacks!
HOW DARE YOU SIR!: Muppet Treasure Island destroys two icons at once.
WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN: Cable Guy was originally slated for Chris Farley and David Spade until Jim Carey expressed interest. That would have been a different (READ: Better) movie. Instead, they make the bland Black Sheep, Farley goes off the deep end, and Jim Carey begins experimenting with drama. Things fall apart.
WORST POST-COMEBACK DECISIONS: John Travolta, cool again, makes Michael AND Phenomenon. Dude.
WORST DECISION: Demi Moore, apparently jazzed by Jessica Spano’s career crippling turn in Showgirls, decides to make Striptease. Let’s face it…she was never good.
PASSABLE ROMANTIC COMEDY: Romeo + Juliet. Good Mercutio.
WORST REMAKE OF A GOOD 80’S MOVIE: Escape From L.A.
PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE WATCHED BEFORE MAKING THIS LIST: A Time to Kill, Ransom, Waiting for Guffman
PROBABLY OK THAT I MISSED: Barbed Wire, Kazaam
BEST LINE IN A MOVIE NOT DISCUSSED ELSEWHERE: “We all thought that kid had tourette’s until Mr. (Jon Lovitz) figured out that he was a foreign exchange student.” – Tia Carrere, High School High
BEST BAD GUY: Bob Sugar (Jerry Maguire), whoever Ed Harris played in The Rock, Shooter McGavin (Happy Gilmore), John Travolta (Broken Arrow – come on, Christian Slater can beat him up?), the Martians (Mars Attacks)
BEST INADVERTENT PORN TITLES: The Nutty Professor, Larger Than Life
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
1995: Second Half of the 90's Begins...Nation Badly Adrift
Top Grossing:
1. Toy Story
2. Batman Forever
3. Apollo 13
4. Pocahontas
5. Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls
6. GoldenEye
7. Jumanji
8. Casper
9. Seven
10. Die Hard: With a Vengeance
COMMENT: Wow is that a bad list. Batman Forever was an honest mistake. Pocahontas…the need to take kids to the movies is completely understandable. But Jumanji? Casper? Scarier still – Waterworld was #12. Americans didn’t know how bad Kevin Costner could be. I mean, I’m not Braveheart fan, but how does Waterworld make 13 million more? Based on 1995 ticket prices, that’s what, a difference of 2 million people? An unsettling look at a nation without purpose.
Award Winners:
Best Picture Nominees: Apollo 13, Braveheart, Babe, Il Postiino, Sense and Sensibility
Best Picture: Braveheart
Best Director: Mel Gibson - Braveheart
Best Actor: Nicolas Cage - Leaving Las Vegas
Best Actress: Susan Sarandon - Dead Man Walking
Best Supporting Actor: Kevin Spacey - The Usual Suspects
Best Supporting Actress: Mira Sorvino - Mighty Aphrodite
You know things are bad when Hollywood's doing better on taste than the American public. Just as an aside...when I say 'Goddess of Love'...does Mira Sorvino come to mind?
The REAL Top 10 of 1995:
1. Heat
2. Get Shorty
3. Seven
4. The Usual Suspects
5. Tommy Boy
6. Twelve Monkeys
7. Clueless
8. Apollo 13
9. Billy Madison
10. Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls. “The mother rhino is giving birth!”
MOST INFLUENTIAL: Toy Story. Like Athena, Computer Animation leaps from the head of Pixar in full battle armor, replete with Tom Hanks and Tim Allen.
Disturbing Trend 1: Propaganda Films for Sitting President. The American President was truly novel…it’s amazing that people will pay to see a campaign commercial
Disturbing Trend 2: Gina Davis’ career essentially ruined by Cutthroat Island
Disturbing Trend 3: This Happened – 3 Ninjas Knuckle Up
Disturbing Trend 4: Major Payne. The death of the best Wayans’ brother’s career.
Ambivalent Trend: Saved By the Bell crossover transition strangled in the cradle by Showgirls
Glimmer of Hope 1: Welcome back Saturday Night Live. Tommy Boy and Billy Madison mark a welcome departure from desperate retreads like Coneheads.
Glimmer of Hope 2: GoldenEye brings back Bond. Even though I never cared for Brosnan, at least his Bond started out passable.
FILM THAT EVERYONE THINKS IS INFLUENTIAL AND IMPORTANT BUT, IN TRUTH, IS EMBARRASSINGLY UNWATCHABLE: Basketball Diaries
MOVIES I WILL NOT WATCH: The Bridges of Madison County
MOVIES I DON’T CARE ABOUT: Dead Man Walking, Casino, Leaving Las Vegas, Nixon
WORST IDEA FOR A MOVIE: The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain. In case you are curious, this is the story of a two cartographers who decide that a mountain is a mole hill.
ANOTHER WORST IDEA FOR A MOVIE: How to Make An American Quilt. Even as an instructional video, it would seem tedious.
PASSABLE ROMANTIC COMEDY: French Kiss
BAD SEQUELS: Grumpier Old Men, Demolition Man 2: Judge Dredd.
IT WAS A BAD YEAR FOR: Keanu Reeves. Johnny Mnemonic AND A Walk in the Clouds. That hits both kidneys. Whoa…down but not out.
MOVIES THAT SEEMED IMPORTANT AT THE TIME: Outbreak, Species
MOVIES I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE WATHCED: Mallrats, The Quick and the Dead
EVILEST BAD GUY OF THE YEAR: Tim Roth in Rob Roy. Him and James Woods should have had better careers.
MOVIE THAT BEST TYPIFIES THE 90’s: Clueless. Dangerous Minds was close.
BEST INADVERTENT PORN TITLES: Bad Boys, Get Shorty, Now and Then, While You Were Sleeping
Top Grossing:
1. Toy Story
2. Batman Forever
3. Apollo 13
4. Pocahontas
5. Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls
6. GoldenEye
7. Jumanji
8. Casper
9. Seven
10. Die Hard: With a Vengeance
COMMENT: Wow is that a bad list. Batman Forever was an honest mistake. Pocahontas…the need to take kids to the movies is completely understandable. But Jumanji? Casper? Scarier still – Waterworld was #12. Americans didn’t know how bad Kevin Costner could be. I mean, I’m not Braveheart fan, but how does Waterworld make 13 million more? Based on 1995 ticket prices, that’s what, a difference of 2 million people? An unsettling look at a nation without purpose.
Award Winners:
Best Picture Nominees: Apollo 13, Braveheart, Babe, Il Postiino, Sense and Sensibility
Best Picture: Braveheart
Best Director: Mel Gibson - Braveheart
Best Actor: Nicolas Cage - Leaving Las Vegas
Best Actress: Susan Sarandon - Dead Man Walking
Best Supporting Actor: Kevin Spacey - The Usual Suspects
Best Supporting Actress: Mira Sorvino - Mighty Aphrodite
You know things are bad when Hollywood's doing better on taste than the American public. Just as an aside...when I say 'Goddess of Love'...does Mira Sorvino come to mind?
The REAL Top 10 of 1995:
1. Heat
2. Get Shorty
3. Seven
4. The Usual Suspects
5. Tommy Boy
6. Twelve Monkeys
7. Clueless
8. Apollo 13
9. Billy Madison
10. Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls. “The mother rhino is giving birth!”
MOST INFLUENTIAL: Toy Story. Like Athena, Computer Animation leaps from the head of Pixar in full battle armor, replete with Tom Hanks and Tim Allen.
Disturbing Trend 1: Propaganda Films for Sitting President. The American President was truly novel…it’s amazing that people will pay to see a campaign commercial
Disturbing Trend 2: Gina Davis’ career essentially ruined by Cutthroat Island
Disturbing Trend 3: This Happened – 3 Ninjas Knuckle Up
Disturbing Trend 4: Major Payne. The death of the best Wayans’ brother’s career.
Ambivalent Trend: Saved By the Bell crossover transition strangled in the cradle by Showgirls
Glimmer of Hope 1: Welcome back Saturday Night Live. Tommy Boy and Billy Madison mark a welcome departure from desperate retreads like Coneheads.
Glimmer of Hope 2: GoldenEye brings back Bond. Even though I never cared for Brosnan, at least his Bond started out passable.
FILM THAT EVERYONE THINKS IS INFLUENTIAL AND IMPORTANT BUT, IN TRUTH, IS EMBARRASSINGLY UNWATCHABLE: Basketball Diaries
MOVIES I WILL NOT WATCH: The Bridges of Madison County
MOVIES I DON’T CARE ABOUT: Dead Man Walking, Casino, Leaving Las Vegas, Nixon
WORST IDEA FOR A MOVIE: The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain. In case you are curious, this is the story of a two cartographers who decide that a mountain is a mole hill.
ANOTHER WORST IDEA FOR A MOVIE: How to Make An American Quilt. Even as an instructional video, it would seem tedious.
PASSABLE ROMANTIC COMEDY: French Kiss
BAD SEQUELS: Grumpier Old Men, Demolition Man 2: Judge Dredd.
IT WAS A BAD YEAR FOR: Keanu Reeves. Johnny Mnemonic AND A Walk in the Clouds. That hits both kidneys. Whoa…down but not out.
MOVIES THAT SEEMED IMPORTANT AT THE TIME: Outbreak, Species
MOVIES I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE WATHCED: Mallrats, The Quick and the Dead
EVILEST BAD GUY OF THE YEAR: Tim Roth in Rob Roy. Him and James Woods should have had better careers.
MOVIE THAT BEST TYPIFIES THE 90’s: Clueless. Dangerous Minds was close.
BEST INADVERTENT PORN TITLES: Bad Boys, Get Shorty, Now and Then, While You Were Sleeping
Sunday, September 20, 2009
1994
Top Grossing
1. Forrest Gump
2. The Lion King
3. True Lies
4. The Santa Clause
5. The Flinstones
6. Dumb and Dumber
7. Clear and Present Danger
8. Speed
9. The Mask
10. Pulp Fiction
Overall, not bad 1994. Except the Flinstones outdrew Dumb & Dumber AND The Mask...AND Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. A lodestone on all our souls.
ACADEMY AWARDS:
BEST PICTURE NOMINEES: Forrest Gump, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Pulp Fiction, Quiz Show, The Shawshank Redemption
Best Picture: Forrest Gump - Paramount Pictures
Best Director: Robert Zemeckis - Forrest Gump
Best Actor: Tom Hanks - Forrest Gump
Best Actress: Jessica Lange - Blue Sky
Best Supporting Actor: Martin Landau - Ed Wood
Best Supporting Actress: Dianne Wiest - Bullets Over Broadway
Dianne Wiest has to be a MOST OBSCURE AWARD WINNER nominee. I’ve never seen her name or the movie title in my life. I can name most of Jason Statham’s catalogue though, so I've got that going for me. Also…Quiz Show? Really? Over Hoop Dreams? Quiz Show...It’s one of those easily forgotten things of the 90's…like the show Northern Exposure. Or Dianne Wiest.
This year belongs to: Jim Carey – That’s 3 comedies (Ace Ventura, The Mask, Dumb & Dumber) in one year than most people can’t top in a career. Perhaps the single greatest year for an actor in movie comedy history. Runner-up – Tim Robbins (Hudsucker Proxy AND Shawshank Redemption)
THE REAL TOP 10:
1. Hoop Dreams
2. The Hudsucker Proxy
3. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
4. Dumb and Dumber
5. Forrest Gump
6. True Lies
7. Clear and Present Danger
8. Maverick
9. Shawshank Redemption
10. Speed
* Movies I thought were great at the time: Stargate, Blue Chips, Little Big League, Little Giants, The Shadow
* Most Influential: Pulp Fiction
* Most Overrated: The Lion King. This was the Disney movie I didn’t like. I think it’s because our football coach in high school forced us to sing Hakuna Matata while doing sit-ups and plyometrics.
* Bizarre Trend: Movies that didn’t need sequels: Ahem – 3 Ninjas Kick Back, Death Wish V: The Face of Death, Highlander 3: The Final Dimension, Leprechaun 2, My Girl 2, Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, White Fang 2: Myth of the White Wolf, The Next Karate Kid.
COMMENT: My Girl 2? 3 Ninjas Kick Back? These things are as culturally important as trying to revitalize MTV’s The Grind. I would put Mighty Ducks 2 on there but something tells me that’s where the Knuckle Puck came from. The Knuckle Puck was good.
* Bad Sequels: City Slickers 2: The Legend of Curly’s Gold, Aladdin 2: The Return of Jafar,
* Movies I Probably Should Have Seen Before Making This List But Didn’t Because I Was On a Damn Good Little League Team: Blue Sky, Clerks, The Crow, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Interview with the Vampire, Natural Born Killers, Reality Bites
* Movies I Can’t Believe I Haven’t Seen: Godzilla Vs. Space Godzilla
* Inexplicable Failure to Launch: Helen Mirren played a British queen in Madness of King George. And we let her sit there for another 15 years, not playing the queen.
* The Year in Jean Claude Van Damme: Timecop was maybe his best film.
* Best Inadvertent Porn Titles: Above the Rim, I’ll Do Anything, A Low Down Dirty Shame, Lightning Jack, Threesome (I can’t believe this was a serious title)
* Favorite Line: North, “I’ve always wanted to know what it was like to live without the ever-present nuisance of electricity. Allow me to retrieve my butter-churn from the overhead compartment.”
* The Kings of the early 90’s Announce They Are Done: Junior, Wyatt Earp
* So That’s What They Were Up To: Apparently Marissa Tomei and Robert Downey Jr. made a movie called “Only You”. And you thought they wasted the 90’s on someone’s blacklist/drugged out.
* Movie Totally Out of Place Outside the 90's: Streetfighter. We didn't yet know that somehow it's easier to make a compelling movie out of an old Disney ride than a video game. Streetfighter (and Raul Julia inexplicably being chosen to play the world's fighting champion M. Bison) blazed this trail.
Top Grossing
1. Forrest Gump
2. The Lion King
3. True Lies
4. The Santa Clause
5. The Flinstones
6. Dumb and Dumber
7. Clear and Present Danger
8. Speed
9. The Mask
10. Pulp Fiction
Overall, not bad 1994. Except the Flinstones outdrew Dumb & Dumber AND The Mask...AND Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. A lodestone on all our souls.
ACADEMY AWARDS:
BEST PICTURE NOMINEES: Forrest Gump, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Pulp Fiction, Quiz Show, The Shawshank Redemption
Best Picture: Forrest Gump - Paramount Pictures
Best Director: Robert Zemeckis - Forrest Gump
Best Actor: Tom Hanks - Forrest Gump
Best Actress: Jessica Lange - Blue Sky
Best Supporting Actor: Martin Landau - Ed Wood
Best Supporting Actress: Dianne Wiest - Bullets Over Broadway
Dianne Wiest has to be a MOST OBSCURE AWARD WINNER nominee. I’ve never seen her name or the movie title in my life. I can name most of Jason Statham’s catalogue though, so I've got that going for me. Also…Quiz Show? Really? Over Hoop Dreams? Quiz Show...It’s one of those easily forgotten things of the 90's…like the show Northern Exposure. Or Dianne Wiest.
This year belongs to: Jim Carey – That’s 3 comedies (Ace Ventura, The Mask, Dumb & Dumber) in one year than most people can’t top in a career. Perhaps the single greatest year for an actor in movie comedy history. Runner-up – Tim Robbins (Hudsucker Proxy AND Shawshank Redemption)
THE REAL TOP 10:
1. Hoop Dreams
2. The Hudsucker Proxy
3. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
4. Dumb and Dumber
5. Forrest Gump
6. True Lies
7. Clear and Present Danger
8. Maverick
9. Shawshank Redemption
10. Speed
* Movies I thought were great at the time: Stargate, Blue Chips, Little Big League, Little Giants, The Shadow
* Most Influential: Pulp Fiction
* Most Overrated: The Lion King. This was the Disney movie I didn’t like. I think it’s because our football coach in high school forced us to sing Hakuna Matata while doing sit-ups and plyometrics.
* Bizarre Trend: Movies that didn’t need sequels: Ahem – 3 Ninjas Kick Back, Death Wish V: The Face of Death, Highlander 3: The Final Dimension, Leprechaun 2, My Girl 2, Police Academy: Mission to Moscow, White Fang 2: Myth of the White Wolf, The Next Karate Kid.
COMMENT: My Girl 2? 3 Ninjas Kick Back? These things are as culturally important as trying to revitalize MTV’s The Grind. I would put Mighty Ducks 2 on there but something tells me that’s where the Knuckle Puck came from. The Knuckle Puck was good.
* Bad Sequels: City Slickers 2: The Legend of Curly’s Gold, Aladdin 2: The Return of Jafar,
* Movies I Probably Should Have Seen Before Making This List But Didn’t Because I Was On a Damn Good Little League Team: Blue Sky, Clerks, The Crow, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Interview with the Vampire, Natural Born Killers, Reality Bites
* Movies I Can’t Believe I Haven’t Seen: Godzilla Vs. Space Godzilla
* Inexplicable Failure to Launch: Helen Mirren played a British queen in Madness of King George. And we let her sit there for another 15 years, not playing the queen.
* The Year in Jean Claude Van Damme: Timecop was maybe his best film.
* Best Inadvertent Porn Titles: Above the Rim, I’ll Do Anything, A Low Down Dirty Shame, Lightning Jack, Threesome (I can’t believe this was a serious title)
* Favorite Line: North, “I’ve always wanted to know what it was like to live without the ever-present nuisance of electricity. Allow me to retrieve my butter-churn from the overhead compartment.”
* The Kings of the early 90’s Announce They Are Done: Junior, Wyatt Earp
* So That’s What They Were Up To: Apparently Marissa Tomei and Robert Downey Jr. made a movie called “Only You”. And you thought they wasted the 90’s on someone’s blacklist/drugged out.
* Movie Totally Out of Place Outside the 90's: Streetfighter. We didn't yet know that somehow it's easier to make a compelling movie out of an old Disney ride than a video game. Streetfighter (and Raul Julia inexplicably being chosen to play the world's fighting champion M. Bison) blazed this trail.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
1993 – A Truly Bad Year in Cinematic Tastes
Top Grossing:
1. Jurassic Park
2. Mrs. Doubtfire
3. The Fugitive
4. The Firm
5. Sleepless in Seattle
6. Indecent Proposal
7. In the Line of Fire
8. The Pelican Brief
9. Schindler’s List
10. Cliffhanger
A truly awful list of movies. The Firm AND The Pelican Brief? Thank goodness we tied up those customers with Law & Order: CSI Chattanooga. And Cliffhanger? Indecent Proposal? Cliffhanger failed to embrace the pun while Indecent Proposal should have been the rejection response to the script. Maybe this is just the result of ‘what everyone who didn’t go see Jurassic Park?’ No, actually there were good movies this year.
ACADEMY AWARDS:
Best Picture Nominees: Schindler’s List, The Piano, The Age of Innocence, In the Name of the Father, The Remains of the Day
Best Picture: Schindler's List -
Best Director: Steven Spielberg - Schindler's List
Best Actor: Tom Hanks - Philadelphia
Best Actress: Holly Hunter - The Piano
Best Supporting Actor: Tommy Lee Jones - The Fugitive
Best Supporting Actress: Anna Paquin - The Piano
Not to be outdone by American consumers, the Screen Actors Guild said, “NO NO NO, AMERICA, WE’LL SHOW YOU BAD TASTE.” And by that we mean dry period dramas. Let’s ignore Schindler’s List for now. Allow me to give you the one sentence summary of The Piano from Wikipedia:
The Piano is a 1993 film about a mute female pianist and her daughter, set during the mid-19th century in a rainy, muddy frontier New Zealand backwater.
Who is the producer who said, “OOOOOO. Tell me more!”
TOP 10:
1. Rudy “You’re 5-foot nothin’, a hundred and nothing’…” I miss the rock v. 1
2. Tombstone “I’m your huckleberry.”
3. Jurassic Park
4. Philadelphia
5. Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story
6. Groundhog Day
7. Schindler’s List
8. Grumpy Old Men
9. Searching for Bobby Fischer (Secret not revealed in the movie – he was in the Philippines doing a radio show as a conspiracy whacko.
10. The Sandlot
- The Year in Kevin Costner – Tombstone had the added bonus of setting up Costner for the knockout blow – Wyatt Earp. 1993 was spent prepping his doom…while making something called A Perfect World, which had Costner AND Clint Eastwood and yet I secretly doubt its existence. If you don't know, when Costner found out about Tombstone, he rented all the western costumes in hollywood out of spite - karma's a mofo. Kurt Russell, a tip of the hat.
Which leads to:
• SPECIAL AWARD FOR BEST PARODY: Robin Hood: Men in Tights – Mel Brooks piles on the rapidly vacating Costner-train! One of the better parody films ever.
• SPECIAL AWARD FOR I CAN’T REMEMBER IF IT WAS GOOD OR NOT: The Fugitive
• HONORABLE MENTION FOR BEING #11: Dave
• SPECIAL AWARD FOR MOVIE THAT’S ACTUALLY NOT AS BAD AS YOU THINK: Last Action Hero
• SPECIAL AWARD FOR MOVIE THAT IS ACTUALLY THAT BAD: Demolition Man
• SPECIAL AWARD FOR ‘I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT WORKED’ – Keanu Reeves does Shakespeare in Much Ado About Nothing
• THE ‘TARGET AUDIENCE?’ AWARD FOR BEST UNBRIDLED CREATIVITY: Nightmare Before Christmas
• THE PASSABLY WATCHABLE ROMCOM AWARD: Sleepless In Seattle
• ‘IT WAS GOING TO INCLUDE CHUCK NORRIS IN A CAPE BUT THE SCREEN CAN’T HOLD ANYMORE AWESOME’ AWARD FOR BEST SCENE: Dennis Hopper vs. Christopher Walken – True Romance - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pm_LbJTvTWA
• MOVIES THAT I THINK ARE SUPREMES’ LYRICS: Nowhere to Run, No Place to Hide
MOST INFLUENTIAL: Jurassic Park. Ushered in the era of CGI. And looking at that 10 Top Grossing Films…just in the nick of time.
MOST OVERRATED: Schindler's List. Am I a bad person? Is that a hate crime? Sorry folks. Not only did it mark Spielberg's wantonly wasteful move into drama, it's also rather dull now that we've had a few more Holocaust movies come down the pike. Oooo, he used black and white, what a genius.
MOVIES I THOUGHT WERE A BIG DEAL AT THE TIME: Alive, Falling Down, The Firm, M Butterfly, The Program, Rising Sun
MOVIES I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE WATCHED: Army of Darkness, The Age of Innocence, Dazed & Confused, Menace II Society, In the Name of the Father, What’s Eating Gilbert Grape
MOVIES I PROBABLY SHOULDN’T HAVE WATCHED: Another Stakeout, Matinee
WORST SEQUELS, AND WHAT WE CAN LEARN FROM THEM: Beethoven’s Second, Look Who’s Talking Now, Robo-Cop 3, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3; Wayne’s World 2, Weekend At Bernie’s 2.
Let’s face it, those are some bad sequels. So first off, don’t make sequels to dog movies. Same goes for babies. And implausible plots like pretending a dead guy is alive…guys, he’s starting to smell. Robocop kind of sucked from the start, so the lesson there is, don’t make a sequel to a bad movie. TMNT 3 was a pure money grab. Which leaves us with Wayne’s World 2. This movie is so epically unfunny that it makes Molly Shannon look like Richard Pryor. I mean, there’s nothing holding you down, guys, no plot gimmick or anything stopping the funny…how could this movie be this bad? It'd be funnier if it was just 2 hours of hangin' w/ Garth.
SEQUEL I SHOULD HAVE SEEN JUST FOR THE MYSTIFYING TITLE: Best of the Best 2…um, didn’t we settle this in the first movie?
MOVIE TOTALLY OUT OF PLACE OUTSIDE THE 90’s: Weekend @ Bernie’s 2
BEST INADVERTANT PORN TITLES (At least 93 came up big in this category):
- Best of the Best 2,
- Dazed & Confused,
- Demolition Man,
- Free Willy,
- Hard Target,
- Flesh & Bone,
- Mad Dog & Glory, (you have to admit, that’s good)
- Married to It
- Much Ado About Nothing
- Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit
- Sleepless in Seattle
- Striking Distance
- Speak Up! It’s So Dark (I can’t believe that’s a movie title)
PS: Did anyone else hate the early 90’s Batman cartoon? I mean, it was so dull. How do you make Batman suck? Oh right, the rest of the 90’s answered that question.
Top Grossing:
1. Jurassic Park
2. Mrs. Doubtfire
3. The Fugitive
4. The Firm
5. Sleepless in Seattle
6. Indecent Proposal
7. In the Line of Fire
8. The Pelican Brief
9. Schindler’s List
10. Cliffhanger
A truly awful list of movies. The Firm AND The Pelican Brief? Thank goodness we tied up those customers with Law & Order: CSI Chattanooga. And Cliffhanger? Indecent Proposal? Cliffhanger failed to embrace the pun while Indecent Proposal should have been the rejection response to the script. Maybe this is just the result of ‘what everyone who didn’t go see Jurassic Park?’ No, actually there were good movies this year.
ACADEMY AWARDS:
Best Picture Nominees: Schindler’s List, The Piano, The Age of Innocence, In the Name of the Father, The Remains of the Day
Best Picture: Schindler's List -
Best Director: Steven Spielberg - Schindler's List
Best Actor: Tom Hanks - Philadelphia
Best Actress: Holly Hunter - The Piano
Best Supporting Actor: Tommy Lee Jones - The Fugitive
Best Supporting Actress: Anna Paquin - The Piano
Not to be outdone by American consumers, the Screen Actors Guild said, “NO NO NO, AMERICA, WE’LL SHOW YOU BAD TASTE.” And by that we mean dry period dramas. Let’s ignore Schindler’s List for now. Allow me to give you the one sentence summary of The Piano from Wikipedia:
The Piano is a 1993 film about a mute female pianist and her daughter, set during the mid-19th century in a rainy, muddy frontier New Zealand backwater.
Who is the producer who said, “OOOOOO. Tell me more!”
TOP 10:
1. Rudy “You’re 5-foot nothin’, a hundred and nothing’…” I miss the rock v. 1
2. Tombstone “I’m your huckleberry.”
3. Jurassic Park
4. Philadelphia
5. Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story
6. Groundhog Day
7. Schindler’s List
8. Grumpy Old Men
9. Searching for Bobby Fischer (Secret not revealed in the movie – he was in the Philippines doing a radio show as a conspiracy whacko.
10. The Sandlot
- The Year in Kevin Costner – Tombstone had the added bonus of setting up Costner for the knockout blow – Wyatt Earp. 1993 was spent prepping his doom…while making something called A Perfect World, which had Costner AND Clint Eastwood and yet I secretly doubt its existence. If you don't know, when Costner found out about Tombstone, he rented all the western costumes in hollywood out of spite - karma's a mofo. Kurt Russell, a tip of the hat.
Which leads to:
• SPECIAL AWARD FOR BEST PARODY: Robin Hood: Men in Tights – Mel Brooks piles on the rapidly vacating Costner-train! One of the better parody films ever.
• SPECIAL AWARD FOR I CAN’T REMEMBER IF IT WAS GOOD OR NOT: The Fugitive
• HONORABLE MENTION FOR BEING #11: Dave
• SPECIAL AWARD FOR MOVIE THAT’S ACTUALLY NOT AS BAD AS YOU THINK: Last Action Hero
• SPECIAL AWARD FOR MOVIE THAT IS ACTUALLY THAT BAD: Demolition Man
• SPECIAL AWARD FOR ‘I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT WORKED’ – Keanu Reeves does Shakespeare in Much Ado About Nothing
• THE ‘TARGET AUDIENCE?’ AWARD FOR BEST UNBRIDLED CREATIVITY: Nightmare Before Christmas
• THE PASSABLY WATCHABLE ROMCOM AWARD: Sleepless In Seattle
• ‘IT WAS GOING TO INCLUDE CHUCK NORRIS IN A CAPE BUT THE SCREEN CAN’T HOLD ANYMORE AWESOME’ AWARD FOR BEST SCENE: Dennis Hopper vs. Christopher Walken – True Romance - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pm_LbJTvTWA
• MOVIES THAT I THINK ARE SUPREMES’ LYRICS: Nowhere to Run, No Place to Hide
MOST INFLUENTIAL: Jurassic Park. Ushered in the era of CGI. And looking at that 10 Top Grossing Films…just in the nick of time.
MOST OVERRATED: Schindler's List. Am I a bad person? Is that a hate crime? Sorry folks. Not only did it mark Spielberg's wantonly wasteful move into drama, it's also rather dull now that we've had a few more Holocaust movies come down the pike. Oooo, he used black and white, what a genius.
MOVIES I THOUGHT WERE A BIG DEAL AT THE TIME: Alive, Falling Down, The Firm, M Butterfly, The Program, Rising Sun
MOVIES I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE WATCHED: Army of Darkness, The Age of Innocence, Dazed & Confused, Menace II Society, In the Name of the Father, What’s Eating Gilbert Grape
MOVIES I PROBABLY SHOULDN’T HAVE WATCHED: Another Stakeout, Matinee
WORST SEQUELS, AND WHAT WE CAN LEARN FROM THEM: Beethoven’s Second, Look Who’s Talking Now, Robo-Cop 3, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3; Wayne’s World 2, Weekend At Bernie’s 2.
Let’s face it, those are some bad sequels. So first off, don’t make sequels to dog movies. Same goes for babies. And implausible plots like pretending a dead guy is alive…guys, he’s starting to smell. Robocop kind of sucked from the start, so the lesson there is, don’t make a sequel to a bad movie. TMNT 3 was a pure money grab. Which leaves us with Wayne’s World 2. This movie is so epically unfunny that it makes Molly Shannon look like Richard Pryor. I mean, there’s nothing holding you down, guys, no plot gimmick or anything stopping the funny…how could this movie be this bad? It'd be funnier if it was just 2 hours of hangin' w/ Garth.
SEQUEL I SHOULD HAVE SEEN JUST FOR THE MYSTIFYING TITLE: Best of the Best 2…um, didn’t we settle this in the first movie?
MOVIE TOTALLY OUT OF PLACE OUTSIDE THE 90’s: Weekend @ Bernie’s 2
BEST INADVERTANT PORN TITLES (At least 93 came up big in this category):
- Best of the Best 2,
- Dazed & Confused,
- Demolition Man,
- Free Willy,
- Hard Target,
- Flesh & Bone,
- Mad Dog & Glory, (you have to admit, that’s good)
- Married to It
- Much Ado About Nothing
- Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit
- Sleepless in Seattle
- Striking Distance
- Speak Up! It’s So Dark (I can’t believe that’s a movie title)
PS: Did anyone else hate the early 90’s Batman cartoon? I mean, it was so dull. How do you make Batman suck? Oh right, the rest of the 90’s answered that question.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Continuing 90’s Movie Reviews:
1992
Top Grossing Films:
1. Aladdin
2. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
3. Batman Returns
4. A Few Good Men
5. Lethal Weapon 3
6. The Bodyguard
7. Sister Act
8. A League of Their Own
9. Basic Instinct
10. Wayne’s World
What were we thinking: The Bodyguard? Kevin Costner’s drawing power strikes again. This is how we got Waterworld and Postman. He thought he could make anything and we’d go to it. Apparently we did.
Academy Award Nominees and Winners:
• Unforgiven (WINNER)
• The Crying Game
• A Few Good Men
• Howards End
• Scent of a Woman
• Best Picture: Unforgiven - Malpaso Productions, Warner Bros.
• Best Director: Clint Eastwood - Unforgiven
• Best Actor: Al Pacino - Scent of a Woman
• Best Actress: Emma Thompson - Howards End
• Best Supporting Actor: Gene Hackman - Unforgiven
• Best Supporting Actress: Marisa Tomei - My Cousin Vinny
COMMENT: This was where the Academy Awards started to ruin itself. Three terrible artsy movies nominated for reasons unclear to America. Several great movies all but ignored (Last of the Mohicans? Did this movie get disqualified for NCAA rules violations of something?) And the Marisa Tomei controversy…which turns out to be one of the more justifiable picks on this list.
The Definitive 1992 Best 10 Films:
1. The Last of the Mohicans
2. Bram Stoker’s Dracula
3. Batman Returns
4. Wayne’s World
5. Reservoir Dogs
6. Diggstown
7. My Cousin Vinny
8. Noises Off
9. Aladdin
10. White Men Can’t Jump
Most Influential Film: Buffy the Vampire Slayer. So it wasn’t a landmark of cinema. Still, it created a new genre
Most Overrated Films: A Few Good Men (More like ‘One Good Scene’), The Bodyguard
Hidden Trend: Movies with good soundtracks. Last of the Mohicans, Leap of Faith, The Bodyguard and Sister Act.
Worst Sequel: Honey, I Blew Up the Kids
Movies I Should Have Watched Before Making This List: Malcom X, El Mariachi, Glengarry Glen Ross
Movies I Thought Were A Big Deal At The Time: Newsies, Thunderheart
Movie Totally Out of Place Outside the 90s: Cool World
Best Inadvertent Porn Title: Unlawful Entry, The Babe, Sister Act.
1992
Top Grossing Films:
1. Aladdin
2. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
3. Batman Returns
4. A Few Good Men
5. Lethal Weapon 3
6. The Bodyguard
7. Sister Act
8. A League of Their Own
9. Basic Instinct
10. Wayne’s World
What were we thinking: The Bodyguard? Kevin Costner’s drawing power strikes again. This is how we got Waterworld and Postman. He thought he could make anything and we’d go to it. Apparently we did.
Academy Award Nominees and Winners:
• Unforgiven (WINNER)
• The Crying Game
• A Few Good Men
• Howards End
• Scent of a Woman
• Best Picture: Unforgiven - Malpaso Productions, Warner Bros.
• Best Director: Clint Eastwood - Unforgiven
• Best Actor: Al Pacino - Scent of a Woman
• Best Actress: Emma Thompson - Howards End
• Best Supporting Actor: Gene Hackman - Unforgiven
• Best Supporting Actress: Marisa Tomei - My Cousin Vinny
COMMENT: This was where the Academy Awards started to ruin itself. Three terrible artsy movies nominated for reasons unclear to America. Several great movies all but ignored (Last of the Mohicans? Did this movie get disqualified for NCAA rules violations of something?) And the Marisa Tomei controversy…which turns out to be one of the more justifiable picks on this list.
The Definitive 1992 Best 10 Films:
1. The Last of the Mohicans
2. Bram Stoker’s Dracula
3. Batman Returns
4. Wayne’s World
5. Reservoir Dogs
6. Diggstown
7. My Cousin Vinny
8. Noises Off
9. Aladdin
10. White Men Can’t Jump
Most Influential Film: Buffy the Vampire Slayer. So it wasn’t a landmark of cinema. Still, it created a new genre
Most Overrated Films: A Few Good Men (More like ‘One Good Scene’), The Bodyguard
Hidden Trend: Movies with good soundtracks. Last of the Mohicans, Leap of Faith, The Bodyguard and Sister Act.
Worst Sequel: Honey, I Blew Up the Kids
Movies I Should Have Watched Before Making This List: Malcom X, El Mariachi, Glengarry Glen Ross
Movies I Thought Were A Big Deal At The Time: Newsies, Thunderheart
Movie Totally Out of Place Outside the 90s: Cool World
Best Inadvertent Porn Title: Unlawful Entry, The Babe, Sister Act.
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
Continuing 90's movie reviews - 1991
1991 comes on a lot stronger than 90 in terms of viewers knowing what the hell they were doing. In fact, 1991 was a good year for movies, especially comedies.
Top Grossing Films
1. Terminator 2: Judgment Day
2. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
3. Beauty and the Beast
4. The Silence of the Lambs
5. City Slickers
6. Hook
8. Sleeping with the Enemy
10. The Naked Gun 2 ½: The Smell of Fear
COMMENT: Seven out of ten ain't bad.
WHAT WERE WE THINKING AMERICA: Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. Kevin Costner's drawing power may be the biggest mystery of the early 90's.
COMMENT: An interesting mix. I had no idea Beauty and the Beast was nominated...ahead of its time. Bugsy and JFK were a scoche overrated epics featuring big names that really aren't that compelling. At least the best of the 5 won.
The Definitive 1991 Top 10 Best Films:1. Terminator 2: Judgment Day
2. Silence of the Lambs
3. Point Break
4. LA Story
5. Beauty & the Beast
6. City Slickers
7. Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey - "They melvined me."
8. What About Bob?
9. Backdraft
10. Earnest Scared Stupid - Jim Varney's best work. I stand by this one.
HONORABLE MENTION: Addams Family, Father of the Bride, Naked Gun 2 1/2 , Hot Shots!.
SEMI-HONORABLE MENTION: Dutch - it wasn't that good, but there's a few classic lines and I loved Al Bundy.
Most Influential Film: Boyz n the Hood - people forget no one was doing movies like this before this film. Even if it doesn't stack up these days, it was influential.
Most Overrated Films: JFK, Bugsy, Prince of Tides, Barton Fink
Worst Sequel Nominees:
- Highlander 2: The Quickening
- An American Tale: Fievel Goes West
- Problem Child 2
- Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Secret of the Ooze
There are 5 lessons to be learned here.
#1 - Fievel did not need to go west. Fievel needed to go straight to video.
#2 - Even as a kid, I knew Problem Child 2 was bad. I had a birthday party that included it and I was thinking, "Wow, I hope they come to my party next year. Have to go back to that Major League / UHF marathon sleep-over."
#3 - When Star Trek: Next Generation is already a clearly better show, another bad movie isn't gong to save anything
#4 - Consider your subtitle and think, "Does Secret of the Ooze just sound lame?" If only Spielberg had paid attention we'd never have gotten 'Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.'
#5 - There can be only one.
Movie I steadfastly refuse to consider: JFK, The Doors, Thelma & Louise. Sorry Oliver Stone, you are ineligible for history-related reasons.
Movies I probably should have seen all the way through before making this list but didn't in the interests of good taste: Boyz n the Hood, Bugsy, Cape Fear, Fried Green Tomatoes, Thelma & Louise, JFK, Prince of Tides, Regarding Henry, Jungle Fever
Movies I totally thought were a big deal at the time and can't quite remember why: The Rocketeer, White Fang.
Movie Totally Out-of-Place Outside the 90's - Jungle Fever
Best Inadvertant Porn Title Nominees: Double Impact, The Hard Way, New Jack City, Necessary Roughness,
Special Award for Big Star Dud Double Whammy: Bruce Willis for Hudson Hawk AND The Last Boyscout.
Special Award for Weird Simpsons Tie-In: I don't know how to explain that the movie McBain got made...after the Simpsons invented the character...and Christopher Walken was in it...and the movie sued the Simpsons. What next...OJ Simpson got arrested while trying to steal back all of the merchandise he sold to pay his legal debts for killing his wife and whistled 'if i only had a brain' as he was lead away? Oh wait...both of those things happened.
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
The Best Movies of the 90's part zero
In preparation for a decade review of film coming up at the end of the year, I thought I'd practice some by going through the 90's.
I thought I'd go through the 90's year-by-year and cull the highlights and low lights.
Starting with 1990:
Top Grossing Films
1. Ghost
2. Home Alone
3. Pretty Woman
4. Dances With Wolves
5. Total Recall
6. Back to the Future Part III
7. Die Hard 2: Die Harder
8. Presumed Innocent
9. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
10. Kindegarten Cop
COMMENT: Wow...Ghost? I guess adults used to take dates to the movies more often. Honestly though, that's 2 nigh on unwatchable films in the top 5 (I'm looking at you Muddles Through Tedium).
WHAT WERE WE THINKING AMERICA: Even still, the real shock is Presumed Innocent. That's a movie?
Academy Awards Best Picture Nominees:
Dances With Wolves, Awakenings, Godfather: Part 3, Ghost, Goodfellas
COMMENT: OUCH! One out of five is actually of any lasting quality. And Awakenings? Yeah, that, uh, made quite an impact...by forcing us to endure Patch Adams later in life.
Let's try the 1990 all over with a real top 10. I dare you to argue:
1. Miller's Crossing - The best script ever
2. Total Recall
3. The Freshman - The real Godfather 3.
4. Die Hard 2: Die Harder
5. Home Alone
6. The Hunt for Red October
7. Kindegarten Cop
8. Edward Scissorhands
9. Gremlins 2
10. Goodfellas - This movie has aged very poorly in my opinion. Maybe it was revolutionary at the time to portray gangsters as scumbags but I find this film tedious. Still it's top 10 material but way outdrew the much better gangster movie Miller's Crossing because Scorcese was Scorcese then and the Coens were nobody.
Most Influential Film: Goodfellas - I may not enjoy it, but it had the biggest impact
Most Overrated Films: Dances With Wolves, Ghost, Goodfellas, Pretty Woman
Worst Sequel Nominees:
- Godfather Part III
- The Neverending Story 2
- Rocky V
Those are some epically bad nominees. Rocky V was so bad they ignored its existence when making Rocky Balboa. The Neverending Story 2 was so bad that the Neverending Story ended. Either that or died somewhere on straight-to-VHS. But those pale, in the end, to the cinematic travesty that is Godfather Part III. A strong year for bad sequels.
Movie I steadfastly refuse to consider: Pretty Woman
Movies I probably should have seen all the way through before making this list but didn't in the interests of good taste: Pretty Woman, Ghost, The Grifters, State of Grace, Presumed Innocent, Awakenings
Movies I totally thought were a big deal at the time and can't quite remember why: Dick Tracy, Lionheart, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I swear McDonald's had this huge Dick Tracy promo and I memorized every single character. They got Beatty and Pacino...and I don't think anyone's ever seen it since. Honestly, have you ever seen them throw Dick Tracy up on cable? You'd be like...'Why is Warren Beatty dressed like the guy from Curious George?'
Movie Totally Out-of-Place Outside the 90's - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Best Inadvertant Porn Title Nominees: Quigley Down Under, Tremors
In preparation for a decade review of film coming up at the end of the year, I thought I'd practice some by going through the 90's.
I thought I'd go through the 90's year-by-year and cull the highlights and low lights.
Starting with 1990:
Top Grossing Films
1. Ghost
2. Home Alone
3. Pretty Woman
4. Dances With Wolves
5. Total Recall
6. Back to the Future Part III
7. Die Hard 2: Die Harder
8. Presumed Innocent
9. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
10. Kindegarten Cop
COMMENT: Wow...Ghost? I guess adults used to take dates to the movies more often. Honestly though, that's 2 nigh on unwatchable films in the top 5 (I'm looking at you Muddles Through Tedium).
WHAT WERE WE THINKING AMERICA: Even still, the real shock is Presumed Innocent. That's a movie?
Academy Awards Best Picture Nominees:
Dances With Wolves, Awakenings, Godfather: Part 3, Ghost, Goodfellas
COMMENT: OUCH! One out of five is actually of any lasting quality. And Awakenings? Yeah, that, uh, made quite an impact...by forcing us to endure Patch Adams later in life.
Let's try the 1990 all over with a real top 10. I dare you to argue:
1. Miller's Crossing - The best script ever
2. Total Recall
3. The Freshman - The real Godfather 3.
4. Die Hard 2: Die Harder
5. Home Alone
6. The Hunt for Red October
7. Kindegarten Cop
8. Edward Scissorhands
9. Gremlins 2
10. Goodfellas - This movie has aged very poorly in my opinion. Maybe it was revolutionary at the time to portray gangsters as scumbags but I find this film tedious. Still it's top 10 material but way outdrew the much better gangster movie Miller's Crossing because Scorcese was Scorcese then and the Coens were nobody.
Most Influential Film: Goodfellas - I may not enjoy it, but it had the biggest impact
Most Overrated Films: Dances With Wolves, Ghost, Goodfellas, Pretty Woman
Worst Sequel Nominees:
- Godfather Part III
- The Neverending Story 2
- Rocky V
Those are some epically bad nominees. Rocky V was so bad they ignored its existence when making Rocky Balboa. The Neverending Story 2 was so bad that the Neverending Story ended. Either that or died somewhere on straight-to-VHS. But those pale, in the end, to the cinematic travesty that is Godfather Part III. A strong year for bad sequels.
Movie I steadfastly refuse to consider: Pretty Woman
Movies I probably should have seen all the way through before making this list but didn't in the interests of good taste: Pretty Woman, Ghost, The Grifters, State of Grace, Presumed Innocent, Awakenings
Movies I totally thought were a big deal at the time and can't quite remember why: Dick Tracy, Lionheart, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I swear McDonald's had this huge Dick Tracy promo and I memorized every single character. They got Beatty and Pacino...and I don't think anyone's ever seen it since. Honestly, have you ever seen them throw Dick Tracy up on cable? You'd be like...'Why is Warren Beatty dressed like the guy from Curious George?'
Movie Totally Out-of-Place Outside the 90's - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Best Inadvertant Porn Title Nominees: Quigley Down Under, Tremors
Monday, September 07, 2009
My 2009-10 NFL Picks. Going w/ my heart, hoping LT gets a ring before the wheels come off...despite Norv Turner's presence.
My overall prediction - a more stable year for the league; no real Cinderellas.
NFC EAST:
**Philly 10-6
*Giants 10-6
Cowboys 7-9
Skins 7-9
NFC WEST
**Seahawks 9-7
Cardinals 7-9
Rams 6-10
49ers 5-11
NFC NORTH
**Bears 11-5
* Vikings 9-7
Packers 8-8
Lions 4-12
NFC SOUTH
**New Orleans 9-7
Carolina 8-8
Atlanta 7-9
Tampa Bay 5-11
AFC EAST
**New England 12-4
Miami 9-7
Bills 7-9
Jets 5-11
AFC WEST
Chargers 13-3
Broncos 6-10
Raiders 5-11
Chiefs 5-11
AFC NORTH
**Baltimore 10-6
*Pittsburgh 10-6
Browns 6-10
Bengals 6-10
AFC SOUTH
**Indianapolis 11-5
*Jacksonville 9-7
Houston 8-8
Tennessee 7-9
PLAYOFF TEAMS:
NFC DIV WINNERS: Philly, Seattle, Chicago, New Orleans
NFC WILD CARDS: Giants, Vikings
AFC DIV WINNERS: New England, San Diego, Baltimore, Indianapolis
AFC WILD CARDS: Pittsburgh, Jacksonville
CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP GAMES:
NFC: Philadelphia vs. Chicago
AFC: New England vs. San Diego
SUPER BOWL:
San Diego vs. Chicago
WINNERS:
San Diego Chargers
My overall prediction - a more stable year for the league; no real Cinderellas.
NFC EAST:
**Philly 10-6
*Giants 10-6
Cowboys 7-9
Skins 7-9
NFC WEST
**Seahawks 9-7
Cardinals 7-9
Rams 6-10
49ers 5-11
NFC NORTH
**Bears 11-5
* Vikings 9-7
Packers 8-8
Lions 4-12
NFC SOUTH
**New Orleans 9-7
Carolina 8-8
Atlanta 7-9
Tampa Bay 5-11
AFC EAST
**New England 12-4
Miami 9-7
Bills 7-9
Jets 5-11
AFC WEST
Chargers 13-3
Broncos 6-10
Raiders 5-11
Chiefs 5-11
AFC NORTH
**Baltimore 10-6
*Pittsburgh 10-6
Browns 6-10
Bengals 6-10
AFC SOUTH
**Indianapolis 11-5
*Jacksonville 9-7
Houston 8-8
Tennessee 7-9
PLAYOFF TEAMS:
NFC DIV WINNERS: Philly, Seattle, Chicago, New Orleans
NFC WILD CARDS: Giants, Vikings
AFC DIV WINNERS: New England, San Diego, Baltimore, Indianapolis
AFC WILD CARDS: Pittsburgh, Jacksonville
CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP GAMES:
NFC: Philadelphia vs. Chicago
AFC: New England vs. San Diego
SUPER BOWL:
San Diego vs. Chicago
WINNERS:
San Diego Chargers
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Why TV Dramas Fall Apart
I just finished The Wire...the epic rise and tragic collapse of the show's artistry matches that of the crime bosses it features.
We can summarize the 5 seasons as follows:
1. Cops and Robbers - Set the scene - this show is going to get good
2. Dock Workers - At home with a contract - this show is good
3. City Hall and Stringer Bell - Narrative perfection; oppressive tone - this show is damn good
4. Educational Excursion - Job-dropping collapse - this show is too good for you and must lecture you
5. Newspaper Farce - this show has nowhere else to go but from the tragic to the absurd
Personally, I prefer season 2 - season 3 is almost unending dread. Anyway, this pattern is played out in various other shows. Most peak early...if anything it's a shock that The Wire lasted 3 good seasons. Meanwhile, comedies usually have long runs where they get better. Why?
Comedy develops with familiarity. This is why your idiot friends seem funny to you and no one else. This is why Anchorman keeps getting funnier the more you watch it. The first time Al Bundy comes home and complains about a fat woman waddling into a shoe store, it's new. The tenth time, you know it's going to be funning as soon as he walks in. A good comedy never really has to go anywhere. The narrative is minimal and has no carry-over (except Arrested Development - more on that later) so you can jump in wherever knowing the characters and more and more ready to laugh.
Drama doesn't work this way. Let's enumerate a few key reasons dramas fall apart, starting with the problems and then moving on to the problems created by the solutions to the original problems.
The Original Problems:
1. Familiarity breeds boredom. Think about it - the more you're around your friends, the funnier they seem to you, but the more tired you get of their b.s. Give me one season of Tony Soprano bitching about his mother and I'm there with the guy...seven seasons though, well after she's dead? Get over it...to quote the Godfather, "YOU CAN ACT LIKE A MAN!"
2. The first season is an enclosed circle. No one can expect a show to run more than a season given how competitive the world of tv air time is. So the first season is designed as a complete narrative...compelling, tight, and packaged. Further seasons are more open-ended - will the show sustain its popularity? Will the network re-up? Cancel? How many more seasons do we have to work with?
3. Success breeds editorial freedom. The first season of a show has to get noticed and renewed. It has to generate an audience. Therefore, the show has to be easier to access; it has to be interesting to a general audience. It also has to be good enough to leap out amongst a pile of scripts. The first season is often the sum total of a writer's brilliance. Once the show succeeds, the writer's off the hook. It's the same reason the Genius Grant program has been a flop - success breeds complacency. Writer's get lazy and grow unconcerned with their audience. They indulge their own petty jealousies and interests. Thus, the Sopranos bores us with dream episodes and The Wire leads us into lectures on education policy and the ex-journalist writer's pent up rage at his former employer. The network indulges these flights of fancy because they want to keep the writer doing the show and because ultimately, the viewership is locked-in and less demanding.
4) Critical Acclaim mounts expectations for intellectual content. The Sopranos becomes the focus of psychology papers, creating a feedback loop of Sopranos episodes reflecting psychological research. The Wire falls in love with its headlines as a gritty look at urban decay instead of a good cops and robbers show. The acclaim becomes the purpose of the show and drives the narrative off-track, at least in terms of actual artistic content and viewer interest.
As a result, several new problems arise:
1) The writer runs out of ideas. This happens to all of us, especially writers on a deadline. Sometimes, the best of what a writer has comes together in one work. Once, the door is opened to more, there may be a few moments of the old magic, but the rest is a grind for a paycheck.
2) Too many characters and storylines to track. At a certain point, when a show keeps adding new things to keep it fresh, if it doesn't give up on the old, you just end up with too much. Each episode becomes a scattershot, advancing several plotlines incrementally. With so much ground to cover, the opportunity for artistic focus gets stretched thing and snaps.
3) Too many cooks in the kitchen. One common solution is to start having guest writers and guest directors to make up for a disinterested creator. This works great in comedy, where you're just playing with the same formula in new ways. But in drama, the narrative is totally lost. The guest sections get interspliced with the portions that HAVE to be there to advance the season long plot, and again, the episode by episode tone and theme becomes a hodgepodge of styles, mostly bland punctuated by a few bright moments.
4) Lecture not story...this was The Wire's biggest failing, but it's a common problem - having addressed the interesting emotional and interpersonal content, the show seeks to remain intellectually respected by defaulting to social relevance. Thus, more and more, the viewer gets lectured instead of getting entertained. What made The Wire great were real people - the cops didn't always win, all of the characters had flaws and strengths, no one was always right and no one always won. All of that was wiped away in favor of a ludicrous docudrama series on education policy in which all of the teachers were dedicated and noble, held down by the system.
It's kind of strange to reflect that this was ultimately what did Arrested Development in. The show got progressively funnier as it went along, but as a drama with a narrative, it got progressively harder to follow. In retrospect, watching on DVD, it's fantastic. As an episodic drama, it's a bit much to try to keep it all together.
So is there a solution? Sure - know when to quit.
I just finished The Wire...the epic rise and tragic collapse of the show's artistry matches that of the crime bosses it features.
We can summarize the 5 seasons as follows:
1. Cops and Robbers - Set the scene - this show is going to get good
2. Dock Workers - At home with a contract - this show is good
3. City Hall and Stringer Bell - Narrative perfection; oppressive tone - this show is damn good
4. Educational Excursion - Job-dropping collapse - this show is too good for you and must lecture you
5. Newspaper Farce - this show has nowhere else to go but from the tragic to the absurd
Personally, I prefer season 2 - season 3 is almost unending dread. Anyway, this pattern is played out in various other shows. Most peak early...if anything it's a shock that The Wire lasted 3 good seasons. Meanwhile, comedies usually have long runs where they get better. Why?
Comedy develops with familiarity. This is why your idiot friends seem funny to you and no one else. This is why Anchorman keeps getting funnier the more you watch it. The first time Al Bundy comes home and complains about a fat woman waddling into a shoe store, it's new. The tenth time, you know it's going to be funning as soon as he walks in. A good comedy never really has to go anywhere. The narrative is minimal and has no carry-over (except Arrested Development - more on that later) so you can jump in wherever knowing the characters and more and more ready to laugh.
Drama doesn't work this way. Let's enumerate a few key reasons dramas fall apart, starting with the problems and then moving on to the problems created by the solutions to the original problems.
The Original Problems:
1. Familiarity breeds boredom. Think about it - the more you're around your friends, the funnier they seem to you, but the more tired you get of their b.s. Give me one season of Tony Soprano bitching about his mother and I'm there with the guy...seven seasons though, well after she's dead? Get over it...to quote the Godfather, "YOU CAN ACT LIKE A MAN!"
2. The first season is an enclosed circle. No one can expect a show to run more than a season given how competitive the world of tv air time is. So the first season is designed as a complete narrative...compelling, tight, and packaged. Further seasons are more open-ended - will the show sustain its popularity? Will the network re-up? Cancel? How many more seasons do we have to work with?
3. Success breeds editorial freedom. The first season of a show has to get noticed and renewed. It has to generate an audience. Therefore, the show has to be easier to access; it has to be interesting to a general audience. It also has to be good enough to leap out amongst a pile of scripts. The first season is often the sum total of a writer's brilliance. Once the show succeeds, the writer's off the hook. It's the same reason the Genius Grant program has been a flop - success breeds complacency. Writer's get lazy and grow unconcerned with their audience. They indulge their own petty jealousies and interests. Thus, the Sopranos bores us with dream episodes and The Wire leads us into lectures on education policy and the ex-journalist writer's pent up rage at his former employer. The network indulges these flights of fancy because they want to keep the writer doing the show and because ultimately, the viewership is locked-in and less demanding.
4) Critical Acclaim mounts expectations for intellectual content. The Sopranos becomes the focus of psychology papers, creating a feedback loop of Sopranos episodes reflecting psychological research. The Wire falls in love with its headlines as a gritty look at urban decay instead of a good cops and robbers show. The acclaim becomes the purpose of the show and drives the narrative off-track, at least in terms of actual artistic content and viewer interest.
As a result, several new problems arise:
1) The writer runs out of ideas. This happens to all of us, especially writers on a deadline. Sometimes, the best of what a writer has comes together in one work. Once, the door is opened to more, there may be a few moments of the old magic, but the rest is a grind for a paycheck.
2) Too many characters and storylines to track. At a certain point, when a show keeps adding new things to keep it fresh, if it doesn't give up on the old, you just end up with too much. Each episode becomes a scattershot, advancing several plotlines incrementally. With so much ground to cover, the opportunity for artistic focus gets stretched thing and snaps.
3) Too many cooks in the kitchen. One common solution is to start having guest writers and guest directors to make up for a disinterested creator. This works great in comedy, where you're just playing with the same formula in new ways. But in drama, the narrative is totally lost. The guest sections get interspliced with the portions that HAVE to be there to advance the season long plot, and again, the episode by episode tone and theme becomes a hodgepodge of styles, mostly bland punctuated by a few bright moments.
4) Lecture not story...this was The Wire's biggest failing, but it's a common problem - having addressed the interesting emotional and interpersonal content, the show seeks to remain intellectually respected by defaulting to social relevance. Thus, more and more, the viewer gets lectured instead of getting entertained. What made The Wire great were real people - the cops didn't always win, all of the characters had flaws and strengths, no one was always right and no one always won. All of that was wiped away in favor of a ludicrous docudrama series on education policy in which all of the teachers were dedicated and noble, held down by the system.
It's kind of strange to reflect that this was ultimately what did Arrested Development in. The show got progressively funnier as it went along, but as a drama with a narrative, it got progressively harder to follow. In retrospect, watching on DVD, it's fantastic. As an episodic drama, it's a bit much to try to keep it all together.
So is there a solution? Sure - know when to quit.
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